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    dots Submission Name: Remember whendots

    Author: Ola
    ASL Info:    18/f/USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 221/187/43
    Words: 218
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1423
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1510

       I wrote this after reading a book about September 11, you might notice allusions to names such as Reagan, and You went off to find your friend

    Under all that dirt". these come directly for the book. The book is called Remember for yall who wanna read itt. Hope you enjoy. luv, ola.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRemember whendots

    Remember When
    We were just little kids
    And our friends they all laughed
    When we shared out first kiss
    And we wept and we cried
    When Reagan's father died
    We held hands on the day
    That his office went down
    Remember when

    Remember when
    You went off to find your friend
    Under all that dirt
    And we hoped, and we prayed
    That you'll come back someday
    Safe and sound with your friend
    You came back with your friend
    But he was already dead
    Remember when

    Remember when
    We had just turned eighteen
    College came; college went
    Twisted souls; hearts got bent
    We broke up; made new friends
    Came together back again
    Love came knocking on our door
    Baby one, baby two, we were waiting for our third
    Remember when

    Remember when
    Little Joe turned 15
    Got suspended cos of his rebellious streak
    Mary Ann broke her arm
    While playing referee
    And Jo Ann came back home
    Huge grin two missing teeth
    With that huge gash on her arm.
    Remember when

    We're old now, grandkids here
    Lost our youth, have gray hair
    Kids come home; we have fun
    Till our comfy beds say come
    Kids have grandkids of their own
    Rocking chairs, with gray hair
    And they all say “we…
    “…Remember when…”

    Submitted on 2004-03-26 20:15:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is very powerful. You can really feel the emotion in it. I like it. Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2006-08-19 00:00:00 | by mysterious one | [ Reply to This ]
      That was very beautiful, Ola. It brought a tear to my eye, especially the line about searching for my friend under the dirt. That was a very sad day indeed. Great Write. Another Favorite
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by jlpurvis2001 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was pretty. A good idea. There are so many Remember When's in each of our lives. I love how you gave it a lifetime in words. Nice job.
    | Posted on 2004-05-03 00:00:00 | by Wonder Passing | [ Reply to This ]
    got ya name right,think i got sme thing to critisize ya in a suggestive context,
    you might want to fix your age on your profile it has you aged at 14 i think.
    as for you 9-11 peice;its perfection far out distances your light years ahead of geinus'who seem to be not open to other forms of style,which is some peoples theory the reason behind tragic episodes as that of the nature of your peice.
    spent four days scraping the remains of tortured lives out of that mess, and i hope your subject matter covers the artist job of wRIGHTING the wrongs of/and to society,as per HUME(plato),BALDWIN(the creative process) help promote peace,or the unnessasary dieing will never cease paulie d
    | Posted on 2004-04-12 00:00:00 | by paulie d | [ Reply to This ]
      the flow of the poem was very good, and i loved the idea. The whole sept. 11 upsets me anyway. I don't like war like things. Anyway, back to the poem. I like how you repeated the title in the beginning and the end of each poem.
    | Posted on 2004-04-11 00:00:00 | by Little Gal | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a great poem. I'm not even that old, only 20, and I have those moments when I look back on the short part of my life that I've lived and say remember when. I enjoy the memories of the "good old times" but I think that always makes me want to go out and make even better memories for future trips down memory lane.
    | Posted on 2004-03-28 00:00:00 | by mavrrick | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this piece. Quite a contrast to some of the others I have read of yours. Good to know you're versatile :-D. you have a spelling mistake out=our.

    Also I agreed. The Remember when at the end of each stanza is out of place and repetitive except for the last stanza. If you are bent on keeping them there then try to hook it into the poem, like for instance..

    "We held hands on the day
    That his office went down
    He'll, Remember when"

    "You came back with your friend
    But he was already dead
    You'll, Remember when

    "Love came knocking on our door
    Baby one, baby two, we were waiting for our third
    We'll, Remember when"

    "Huge grin two missing teeth
    With that huge gash on her arm.
    I'll, Remember when"

    you know, something.

    great job *trishi
    | Posted on 2004-03-28 00:00:00 | by Leala | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice piece of Nostalgia... although the double use of the Remember When is okay stanza per stanza...as a whole it slows the read down and gets a bit repetitive when read aloud.
    | Posted on 2004-03-26 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      You did agood job setting up the scene, I like your use of words.
    | Posted on 2004-03-26 00:00:00 | by Cutting Envy | [ Reply to This ]

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