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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Last Kissdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sweet-fire
    ASL Info:    21/f/ky
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 296/279/42
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 335
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 441



    Description:
       not sure where this came from but encase you cant get the meaning...i think...i wrote it about a last kiss before you die...im not sure...let me know what you get out of it...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLast Kissdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Kiss me tender,
    with poison on your lips.
    Grip me tight,
    with your hands on my hips.

    Fill my senses,
    with every bit of you.
    Crowd my mind,
    with good thoughts anew.

    Caress me soft,
    with your fingertips.
    Drink in my soul,
    with little sweet sips.

    Then let go.
    But before you do,
    fill my memory
    with pictures of you.




    Submitted on 2005-01-25 08:49:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i love this piece.. very personal to me..i read others poems with the intend of putting me in the words.. some times its not possible.. with this piece not only did i have the words.. but i had the story too.. very good piece.. love- both amazing and devistating...
    | Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by Justmenow14 | [ Reply to This ]
      I can understand why you'd want to be kissed by poison lips.

    I really enjoyed this poem, it reminded me a bit of my one "sea of despair", except yours is better.

    I love poems that are short, dreamy, melancholy or nostalgic, so i'm hoping you've got others that strike me the way that this one has.

    thanks for sharing it.

    Jay
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this too. Very imagitive..I saw images while reading this. I think it is so important to have visuals when you write something like this... Because it keeps the readers interested... SO I liked that best about you poem.. I liked the rhyming... everything just flew smootly.. I really enjoyed reading this. I wish more people would write like this..

    Good Job
    Ill look for more of your stuff later

    stephanie
    | Posted on 2005-03-28 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
      THis is great. It has a wonderful rhyming scheme to it. I felt like i was there. The imagery was great. It really did paint a good picture in my head. I got into it more and more as i read on. I really liked the last stanza. I would have to say that it was my favorite. It seems just like everything has the right thing to it. I wouldn't change anything. Great job on this...really wasn't waht i expected....
    much love
    mikki
    | Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok... I'm not sure. It sounds kinda coo and flows well, but I have no Idea what it acctu ally mean, if anything ^_^ and a random face for you
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by Rail | [ Reply to This ]
      i thought it worked very well till the last two lines. i can;t put my finger on it, but they just seem out of place. how would he fill her mind with memories of him as she's dying?
    maybe 'my memory's filled' instead?

    pretty good effort here. just me 2 cents, feel free to ignore it. :-)
    | Posted on 2005-01-25 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      aww...hmm...not what i imagined...its hmm...about steven of course, You really needa talk to me...I dont think that he means to hurt you, but he always seems to...dont give up hope on him, ok? Things will be ok, i know it ...

    ->Dark
    | Posted on 2005-01-25 00:00:00 | by drk_angl_17 | [ Reply to This ]
      Personally, i liked it.. especially the line "drink in my soul" that was some awesome imagery.
    I'm being picky when I say this, because I really do like the poem, but the only part that could use some work is the last stanza. The first line in that stanza could stand alone, it makes a moving statement all on its own. Work on those last three lines a little bit. Add some imagery. Maybe instead of pictures use images or dreams or something. The better the language, the more vivid the picture it creates, and thats what we're all aiming for, right?
    But hey, it was great and it kept my interest, unlike a lot of poems I've been reading lately.
    OK..now I'm rambling, but one more thing, where in KY do you live? Is it anywhere near frankfort because I'm from lburg. I hardly ever find anyone from ky on here.
    | Posted on 2005-02-02 00:00:00 | by mandyshay07 | [ Reply to This ]



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