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    dots Submission Name: I can wait by: Todd Pipesdots

    Author: firedemon
    ASL Info:    18/m/ca
    Elite Ratio:    2.95 - 21/34/7
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Death
    Total Views: 692
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 578

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

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    dotsI can wait by: Todd Pipesdots

    "I fear I can't go on," she said,
    "I think I would be better dead."
    She knelt, she cried, I held her head.
    I thought I knew what she was feeling.
    She turned to close the door and I
    Assisted in a suicide.
    Now that she's on the other side
    I know what she was after...
    And I can wait.
    A cold and wet November's day
    We lowered her into a grave,
    --I'd never seen her look so brave.
    Now worms consume her body...
    And I can wait.

    Submitted on 2005-01-25 12:28:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I do enjoy this, but something feels as though it lacks within. I know you have your own intentions, but I think it'd be so much better if you revised it and used more expressive wording. It seems so mundane this way and just doesn't bring across its full potential.
    | Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by Shuurinakisame | [ Reply to This ]
      Your poem is so sad! I like it! I think that this poem has been one of my favorites so far! This poem would really make someone cry and feel guilty about losing someone.
    | Posted on 2005-01-25 00:00:00 | by Mz.Shima | [ Reply to This ]

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