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Author: Archer
ASL Info:    17/female/Oregon
Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 118 /148 /53
Words: 139
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1656
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 809


I wrote this poem because so often I try to tell people how i feel for this guy and I try to describe who he is and not just what he looks like because the personality is everything to me. and I can not do it I keep trying and it still falls short of all he is if not all he is to me.
so your opinions are wanted, I think i spelled a few words wrong but i really tried to make it so that the spelling did not take away from the poem it self.


Hoe to wrte a poem,
That seem's all for you,
Is like asking to catch the sky,
Or catching a rainbow in one drop of dew.

How to write a love song,
That depicts all your grace,
Is like trying to stop the river flow,
Or trying to steal the sun's warmth for my embrace.

For you are amazing,
In each and every way.
If I tried to explaine you,
I'd run out of words to say.

Your love as pure as water clear,
Your touch a warm embrace.
Every loving thought shown on
Your handsome face.

So for now I shall keep silent,
And try not to describe who you are.
And continue to watch and wait,
As if fallowing a shooting star.

Submitted on 2005-01-25 17:46:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  This was different from other adoring/admiring love poems I've read. Where as they have tried to capture their feelings or the person in words you've done the opposite and said that there is no way to describe the feelings or person. You've compared it to imfathomable tasks that cannot be done, at least not by anyone normal. There was some minor spelling errors in the stanzas but that was the only thing I could find wrong with this. I just felt all the emotion pouring out of this poem and it was genuine and I liked it.
| Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by beautifuldream | [ Reply to This ]
  The spelling didn't take anything away from the peom. I loved it and I think that you should stop trying so hard to decsribe him to poeple. It will all come in due time and I can tell you really care for him, so if people want to know what he is like they should trust enough that he is a great person because of the fact that he has you so mesmerized. If you like him that much that you can't find enough words to describe him and how you feel than they should realize that that is all they need to know.
| Posted on 2005-01-29 00:00:00 | by ForsakenAngel | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, you said it in your description! I mean the speling mistakes are alot and in my point of view spelling mistakes always take from the beauty of the poem (any poem), I didn't read the "Childoutspoken" comment, so I'll tell you about the mistakes I noticed so that you can fix them (if you want to).

The first line in the poem "Hoe to wrte a poem", and it should be "How to write a poem?", and the second line "That seem's all for you", and it should be "That seems all for you", and also in the third line in the third stanza that says "If I tried to explaine you" and it should be "If I tried to explain you", and also the last line in the poem that says "As if fallowing a shooting star.", and it should be "As if following a shooting star", I hope you do not feel offended by my criticizing comment, I just want to open your eyes for the spelling mistakes so that you can fix them or avoid them in your future poems or posts!

Anyway I really liked the sincerity of the poem, I mean it's very emotional and sincere and that is a very good start to write a very good poetry, about the flow and rhyme, I think it needs some work and more writing because the more you write the more you write better! So try harder next time and it will be much better (I'm sure).

I also can't deny that I liked the describtion before the poem and that was very important because it gives an indication to what we are going to read! And your describtion was very emotional and sincere and the most important thing (in my point of view).

Anyway I hope that my comment was somehow helpful to you and I will end my comment by saying Good luck and keep on writing.
| Posted on 2005-01-25 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
  Yeah. There are a couple of spelling/grammar mistakes. An extra "e" on explain, write in the very first line is missing an "i" and seems doesn't need the " ' " thingy there. Thats it I think. So besides that...
I do like what you are getting at and its actually pretty good, though a little cliché. I'm sure you can guess what I'm talking about, but in case you aren't positive.. I'll give you an example.
"Is like trying to stop the river flow,
Or trying to steal the sun's warmth for my embrace"
I'm almost sure I've seen that or something like that a thousand times.
I know I use a lot of clichés too, everyone does without realizing it. In fact me saying that you use too many clichés is a cliché... honestly.. check all the comments left on here ~_^. Anyways! All I can suggest is that you go back one day and try to rework this piece, try to picture him in different ways that would bring you to the same result!

| Posted on 2005-01-25 00:00:00 | by Childoutspoken | [ Reply to This ]

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