Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Post Suicide Notiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: The41stSmibble
    ASL Info:    19 male england
    Elite Ratio:    2.95 - 41/60/15
    Words: 232
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 329
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1567



    Description:
       Again i like to end my stories happily. I'm not saying that i don't like sad endings, maybe i'll do one soon.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Post Suicide Notiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    She took the blade to her wrist
    shaking and crying, cold and dying
    a liittle gash,tweak and twist
    No more deception, pain and lying.
    Sliding down the wall, hitting the floor
    she, spoke,murmered a little bit
    asking for someone to adore
    to rescue her from this pit

    He ran fast now, down the corridor
    He was faster than before
    Now knowing what a heart is for
    He stumbled quickly into the door
    He stopped, blinked and sighed
    Looking at her naked there
    Stains on cheek from where she cried
    Her breasts exposed rash and bare

    She's shocked by him
    Surely she has seen him before
    The lights were dim
    eyeng for a glimpse of more
    The blade slowely peircing the skin
    she closes her eyes again
    the pain rises as it tares in
    Looking for answers in him

    He asks her softly to wait
    Looking at the pain in her face
    Hoping this wasn't to late
    Still scared just incase
    "I love you, you know"
    Slowly speaking those words
    "I can't let you go"
    As he edges forwards

    She flinches and finishes
    with a gash in her wrist
    Never heard words like his
    Comfort's what she's missed
    Maybe life is worth living
    Maybe it's worth the comotion
    As her doubts are having
    A post suicide notion










    Submitted on 2005-01-26 09:59:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I admire how you've made hope the ending to death in a way. I'm not sure if I'm making much sense, but it wasn't like you just gave her a happy ending. She's still down, she still needs comfort, but hope gives her patience, it gives her belief that there is a source of comfort in life.
    Of course you know all that, but reading that poem just made me... want to talk. :D
    | Posted on 2005-10-27 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      omg that was well grand. it makes me i dont know happy i hate that word its so over used but i loved it . thank you for that glimps of hope.that bird is verry lucky to have a fellow like him,
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by sweet sorenity | [ Reply to This ]
      Porr little girl...I feel so bead for her. Lonliness can be a very cruel emotion. Look at how much power it has over soo many. I liked the write but I felt it could have left more to the imagination...then again I guess the imaginatve part is what all she has been through behind closed doors, what if things don't work out with the guy will she attempt to temp fate again? Rather thrilling.I hope you are not offended by any critique I gave. I'm no expert. Just commenting on some feelings.
    | Posted on 2005-02-11 00:00:00 | by smalltown | [ Reply to This ]
      You really get a clear image of what is going on in the poem. The detail helps to create a solid mental picture, which gives the poem more power.
    | Posted on 2005-01-28 00:00:00 | by TiredOfTrying | [ Reply to This ]
      Though I find the subject itself a little over-done I think you put a very nice spin on it, something fresh. I'm glad to see something out of the ordinary, and I await the finished product.
    | Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by Emma_closes | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.