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    dots Submission Name: metamorphosisdots

    Author: ladydeathstrike
    ASL Info:    27/F/Chicago
    Elite Ratio:    5.27 - 259/284/94
    Words: 145
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 873
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1055

       i want to know what goes through your head as you read this, what kind of emotions do you feel and can you relate to this?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    there are some changes coming about,
    something ruthless uncovered,
    seen through transperant glass,
    an enemy lurking in the night.

    The glow of the candle chilling my back,
    the shadows dancing a ritualistic dance;
    invoking everything in the dead of night.

    A bubbling anger spilling lies
    deformities ozzing out,
    a sickning illness eating me alive.

    The monster inside rips my flesh,
    drinks my blood.

    The people around me unaware of the changes,
    ignorance covering their eyes

    Screching like a banshee,
    howling like a dog

    my body llies sleepsless, a beaten corpse
    drained of warmth.

    I stand before myself,
    carrying the world, breaking my back.

    I walk away, every inch of flesh
    finally dead

    I've buried my innocence
    I drowned my voice

    My life is over
    the world is broken
    and my hands are sore.

    Submitted on 2005-01-26 11:09:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hmmmmm, it's intersting. I read what other peopel have to say, and i almost wonder whether we are reading the same poem. I mean, the writing was quite good, and a few of the lines were excellent, but as a whole, i honetly just don't get it. I don't understand what you want peopel to get from this, soem love it, others think suicide, others pure nightmares. I just think you have the potential to writing somethign terriffic, and instead of pushing, you came up with this, using a mix of mediocre and good lines together without really knowing what oyu were saying, or trying to say. It reminds of me, an insomniacs mind, so many ideas, but not sure where to put them all so you throw together patches that sound good alone or together with something else. LIke i said, nice writing, but could use some work. If you ever revise this, let me know.
    | Posted on 2005-01-29 00:00:00 | by Mercy December | [ Reply to This ]
      your writing style is very similar to mine as a teenager. this piece reminds me of the comfort and beauty found in the familiarity of painful life events and depression. though it can be hard to unserstand at times, turning these kinds of feelings into art can help uncover new faith in yourself when you see what you are capable of creating... great job...
    | Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by foreverevolt | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with edthepoet here. it seems as a battle of commiting suicide. i don't know to me it's the age. you are going through so much and it seems as though no one remembers what it was like to be that age and go through that. i think you displayed the emotions in this just brilliantly. you have a great talent i can't wait to read more**
    | Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      You having one wicked nightmare, its seem like you are thinking about killing yourself,because of the lack of love and respect your not recieving.

    Very good imagery and your emotions were clearly felt.

    good write
    | Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      very good write and a definate stand out from the usual yet it seems dark and has a following and realistic essence to it, u seem to be depressed for matters outside ur own body/mind, if thats the case feel free to talk to me about it, good job i hope to read mroe fo ur work
    | Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by obsidiandreams | [ Reply to This ]

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