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    dots Submission Name: My songdots

    Author: Chi-Town Rose
    ASL Info:    19/F/Chicago (U.S)
    Elite Ratio:    5.05 - 179/180/35
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 910
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 742

       I revised this b/c of a comment a good friend gave me. Hope you like

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy songdots

    The melody
    I create
    With the harmony
    Of my heart
    Sets my song
    From the music
    Of my time.

    I dance with
    A sway and swagger
    That can never
    Be duplicated,
    Or re-created,
    For it is original
    And it is mine.

    My movements
    Paint a portrait
    Of my history
    And allow those
    Who are brave enough
    To look into the
    Depths of my heart.

    The steady beat
    Of my song
    Lures you deeper
    The last note sounds
    And my song fades
    Into nothing
    As if there was never
    A song at all

    Submitted on 2005-01-26 11:33:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      You really need to stop being so O.D. Sike naw, this poem is hot as hell; I sincerely mean that. It actually has inspired me to write a poem; don't worry, you ain't neva lied when you said no one can touch your flow.

    Flow on my black sista, flow on
    Ghost Child
    | Posted on 2005-03-11 00:00:00 | by Ghost Child | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked your poem, I perceived from it that you are an independent woman and that no one can recycle what you have though or said because it is your creation. I enjoyed your poem because through it you allowed me to look at the depth of your soul, the trouble is we only got a peek but we long for more. I liked the rhythm of your poem and in itself it was a song. Everything in life is a song remember last year when we read the Pearl with Mr. Streicher well your poem reminded me of that. Remember though that everything that we think and everything we converse is the same thing that has been discussed since the beginnig of enlightenment and all we do is add to it.
    | Posted on 2005-03-10 00:00:00 | by Katrinagolden | [ Reply to This ]
      Mmm, music of your soul...? I read (heard) it with the pleasure, this kind of a poem has such an effect on me...it just lifts me up to the sky...it's so dreamy, or maybe it just seems to be. It's easy to read and catch it. Well done!
    | Posted on 2005-01-27 00:00:00 | by Dana | [ Reply to This ]
      you talk about your song something that seperates you from everyone else and i understand that but exactly what do you mean? do you mean your voice and the way you express yourself is finally out? im kinda confused but i like the arrangement of words it really flows yet the last 2 stanzas i think need a little work they are kinda rough. good work
    | Posted on 2005-01-27 00:00:00 | by ladydeathstrike | [ Reply to This ]
      Simple and sweet.
    It's communicating a lot- a feeling, a description, the song... it's bleeding with potential.
    I found it a little flat, and a little long. I would cut down on unnecessary words. Also -this is something I do, maybe you'll find it useful- look for adjectives and use them often. It's hard to describe a thing of beauty, but look for something to say about it other than 'beautiful'.

    It's a good piece, something that could probably win poetry contests, but I think it could be a lot better than just good... just with some revision.

    | Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by Alize | [ Reply to This ]

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