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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Angel or devil?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dana
    ASL Info:    23/F/Dreamland
    Elite Ratio:    3.98 - 79/87/26
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Poetry/Them
    Total Views: 904
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1070



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAngel or devil?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Thereís nothing you can hide inside
    All the truth is written in your stars
    Everything is so obvious
    It shines with the blinding light
    Only for others, not for me
    I can see through you
    Everything you hide inside
    You look so divine
    I canít believe it
    Itís so hard to trust you
    I can scent your sweet lies
    In every word you say
    I can only suspect the devil is hidden inside
    And I can see it in your devilish eyes
    They are burning faintly ready to charm
    But I can see the truth youíre trying to hide
    Your personal angel has said his goodbyes
    I can see the way this angel cries
    Inside of you, drowning in flames
    In the dark corners of your soul
    Your angel is lost and you are in disguise
    The devil is scorching your mind
    I have heard your confession
    I wish I could give you some cool wine
    But you donít need it
    Your mask is better
    Than the angel you hide.

    © by DANA 2004




    Submitted on 2005-01-26 12:09:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      ahh, this is awesome, it makes me think of someone i know, lol... wow, we kinda write the same, well, you write good enough to catch my fancy... its not easy to do that with others poetry by the way. I do like this though, the contrast between angel and devil, like heaven and hell... very interesting, excellent work
    | Posted on 2005-01-28 00:00:00 | by ViCiOuSWrItEr | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like it. It reminds myself of me lol. I'm not really a bad guy but around certain people especially this girl I am fond of. She sees me differently than others bc its hard to be myself around her so i put on my mask and hide the person i want to be around her so she suspect that i like her which is crazy. She thinks i'm a great guy but recently she has been seeing the ass hole side of me bc we were friends and i'm scared well anyway i tend ot ramble sorry. Anyway great write i loved its a fav of mine adios.
    Chon
    | Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by xPoetxBoyx | [ Reply to This ]
      okay.
    I like this. It was a pleasant read, complete w/ imagery and delicious wording.
    I'm in a hurry, sorry to be so short.
    I would break it up- A LOT. You have a lot in a short space, and that makes it hard to read-short attention spans will wander. Just maybe a break every two lines or so, or wherever you feel is appropriate.
    oh, and I think 'scent ' should be 'sense' I'm not really sure.

    It was a nice piece to come across

    ~be easy
    | Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by Alize | [ Reply to This ]
      the rhyme toward the end... is perfect. with poetry, it is very easy to lose the meter and cadence of the rhyme... the syllable count will be off, or it will just not sound right... you managed to stay away from that, and the rhyme was immaculate. as for the poem, it conjured some quite-interesting visuals. (i had a visual of an angel, inside a head, in a 'corner', with flames all around her, and she's cowering, because the 'devil' of him is taking over) so hmmmm. very nice. wouldn't change a thing. i would give constructive criticism if i had any to give... :) thanks for the read. *md*
    | Posted on 2005-03-05 00:00:00 | by MerryDeath | [ Reply to This ]


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