[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Schizophrenicdots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 800
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 755

       I was a bit out of it when I wrote this one, not the most attentive to it but when I re-read it in my notebook a few days ago I thought that it may be worthy of comment. Tell me what you think.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I am accused by my own head
    this is no surprise
    but in this chaos I found you
    sorted through all the emotions that I thouhght I had left
    you looked at me with pain I thought that I had seen in my own eyes
    you seemed simply tired
    tired of life
    tired of pain
    tired of simple thinng that meant nothing
    but that always seemed to wiegh heavy on your heart
    your eyes reflected everything that I had felt
    and this was not so strange
    for I had found you in me
    and we were somthing of the same
    I felt a victim of my own heart
    letting myself love you
    letting myself become exhausted with the pain
    letting you kill me
    and then kill yourself

    Submitted on 2005-01-26 12:09:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well lets see. I like the way everything ties in. If one hadn't read the title they could almost believe this was something else. I like the was it is a multipurpose poem. You may not have meant for that, but it was really cool the way you tied the schizophrenia in as an extra person who inconsequentially is in you (sounds like a soulmate). But who would make a better soulmate than someone who technically shares a soul with you. Hmmm but isnt it a double suicide double homocide with no note? But i like it... its eloquent and fluent. (alotta poetry seems forced anymore... especially mine ). But yea ur awesome homie... catchya later.
    | Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by BuryThisLie | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a very good piece lots of different lives [painted very nice the best thing about this is it happens in day to day life as poets we give the reader the virtue of our thought yours was exellent may i suggest you use a few stansas it breaks one thought ang grasps you to another no bad intent made it still reads well, may i suggest you read Images or any of my writes and tell me what you think be looking for more of your posts. Great write
    | Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    The World written by jjd
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]