[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Schizophrenicdots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 827
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 755

       I was a bit out of it when I wrote this one, not the most attentive to it but when I re-read it in my notebook a few days ago I thought that it may be worthy of comment. Tell me what you think.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I am accused by my own head
    this is no surprise
    but in this chaos I found you
    sorted through all the emotions that I thouhght I had left
    you looked at me with pain I thought that I had seen in my own eyes
    you seemed simply tired
    tired of life
    tired of pain
    tired of simple thinng that meant nothing
    but that always seemed to wiegh heavy on your heart
    your eyes reflected everything that I had felt
    and this was not so strange
    for I had found you in me
    and we were somthing of the same
    I felt a victim of my own heart
    letting myself love you
    letting myself become exhausted with the pain
    letting you kill me
    and then kill yourself

    Submitted on 2005-01-26 12:09:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well lets see. I like the way everything ties in. If one hadn't read the title they could almost believe this was something else. I like the was it is a multipurpose poem. You may not have meant for that, but it was really cool the way you tied the schizophrenia in as an extra person who inconsequentially is in you (sounds like a soulmate). But who would make a better soulmate than someone who technically shares a soul with you. Hmmm but isnt it a double suicide double homocide with no note? But i like it... its eloquent and fluent. (alotta poetry seems forced anymore... especially mine ). But yea ur awesome homie... catchya later.
    | Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by BuryThisLie | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a very good piece lots of different lives [painted very nice the best thing about this is it happens in day to day life as poets we give the reader the virtue of our thought yours was exellent may i suggest you use a few stansas it breaks one thought ang grasps you to another no bad intent made it still reads well, may i suggest you read Images or any of my writes and tell me what you think be looking for more of your posts. Great write
    | Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Incubus written by monad
    To written by SavedDragon
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Linger written by saartha




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]