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This is My Man


Author: Rubi_Roja
ASL Info:    20/F/
Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 185 /164 /29
Words: 110
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1385
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 656



Description:


i hope it is not to monotonous....i wasn't aiming for to be repetative but i think it worked with the flow


This is My Man



This disheveled criminal is my scenic route towards the brightest star,
This unfaithful non-believer is the one, who kept me going so far,
This clumsy oaf, this awful mess, this stupid boy is a reason to survive,
This jealous brute is the breath of air in my lungs keeping me alive,
This fumbling lover is my pinch of flavorful salt in every meal,
This bumbling fool is the meaningful touch that teaches me to feel,
The unearthly sinner, this mumbling jerk, this petty thief will always be everything to me he can,
This careless beast is my one and only, my perfect love, my beautiful man.





Submitted on 2005-01-26 16:54:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  The repetition, rather than becoming monotonous, gives this poem its unique flavor. Excellent! The only quibble I have is this line:

"The unearthly sinner, this mumbling jerk, this petty thief will always be everything to me he can"

seems to have too many identities to start it off...

Aside from that, I love this one.

"This jealous brute is the breath of air in my lungs keeping me alive" ... what a great line :)
| Posted on 2005-01-27 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
  i didnt think it lost anything in the repetition. this piece evokes imagery of mystery surounding the person. is it a personal piece or a persona? at any rate, i think you did a good job on a vexing subject matter. it is easy to relate to. i liked this piece more than a little bit. keep it up, and well done.
-Q
| Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by TechnoticQ | [ Reply to This ]
  Speachless! I think that your poem is wonderfull. It describes perfectly something hard to describe, and, believe me on this one, I think you wrote exactly how I'm feeling right now, which is what's a poem supposed to do. keep up with it. and its not monotonous, its a favorite.
| Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by rachel gless | [ Reply to This ]


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