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Dying Rose Casts a Shadow

Author: ViCiOuSWrItEr
ASL Info:    18/Female/Desolate
Elite Ratio:    3.97 - 890 /865 /108
Words: 111
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1487
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 683


This is a poem a friend of mine, Zach, and I wrote together..... just tell me what you think.

Dying Rose Casts a Shadow

In a world of hatred, I pray you find me
unique. I ask to stand out amongst the rest
I hope you find me in love.

In a world of hate, a single flower
can make a difference.

A dying rose casts a shadow
a cloud over my love and taints
chemicals burn through velvet hearts
and once again
a single flower can make a difference.

Petals crushed under footsteps to fast
I found you in the meadow
the broadest, the sweetest, the last

In love a pain sticks through my chest
this time I lie down in the flowers
and died
betrayed thoughts put to rest.

Submitted on 2005-01-27 13:59:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  A dying rose casts a shadow
i like that line the best it seems almost prophetic in some way that you can almost grasp but cant ( i know it doesn't make sense but yeah.) any way i like the last stanza thingy also because she/you died. i like poems where they die. is that morbid?
I like the last line also cause it makes it seem really sad. awesome right wouldn't change anything except maybe the last line where it says lie, it might be better lay down and died or change died to die
| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]
  I LOVED LOVED LOVED this one! I don't know what it was about it, but I think that you guys really worked well together and described something utterly beautiful. I don't see anything about it that could be improved, I really enjoyed it~ jenn @>->-
| Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by BreakAndFall | [ Reply to This ]
  you know its been soo long since i read that poem we wrote together. and now that i read it. i think we should make it a two part thing. like have first two stanza's start it off as a weird opening and then the part you wrote"therest" be like part 2. hope you get what im saying.
| Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by LLRDD | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the first line break. gives it a whole new meaning. still I'm not quite sure what to think about the first stanza. it's a bit cut off from the rest. doesn't fit so well. I guess you could do without but it's very well written and as I said I like the line break so leave it in there.
I've found a little mistake in the last stanza. you're switching times here from 'lie' to 'died'.
besides that a really good poem. nice team work. enjoyed it.
| Posted on 2005-01-28 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
  this was a nice poem the ending though it got me i wasn't expecting that and the title threw me off and i must say it was better than i expected good work! i guess two heads are better than one!

| Posted on 2005-01-27 00:00:00 | by misty_of_moon | [ Reply to This ]
  I would like to ask you, was writing a poem with someone else hard to do? I can't tell. you both seem to now where each other is coming from and the visionary is really nice.
this was a wonderfully writen line
Petals crushed under footsteps to fast
I found you in the meadow
the broadest, the sweetest, the last
| Posted on 2005-01-27 00:00:00 | by Rubi_Roja | [ Reply to This ]
  oh ya i forgot that i was goin to grade it lol A ++ from me ...home G lol just kidding just trying to fill space so i can give you your grade and pass the time away before that damn bell rings lol love yaz!
| Posted on 2005-01-27 00:00:00 | by grinninggashes | [ Reply to This ]
  WHOO WHOO great job sarah and zach! sorry i didnt' see him commin lol but anywho this was great must say i enjoyed it..a little different than waht i would read of yours but when you put two heads together something great comes of it lol so good job! loves it lol
| Posted on 2005-01-27 00:00:00 | by grinninggashes | [ Reply to This ]

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