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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dying Rose Casts a Shadowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ViCiOuSWrItEr
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Desolate
    Elite Ratio:    3.97 - 890/865/108
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 810
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 683



    Description:
       This is a poem a friend of mine, Zach, and I wrote together..... just tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDying Rose Casts a Shadowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In a world of hatred, I pray you find me
    unique. I ask to stand out amongst the rest
    I hope you find me in love.

    In a world of hate, a single flower
    can make a difference.

    A dying rose casts a shadow
    a cloud over my love and taints
    chemicals burn through velvet hearts
    and once again
    a single flower can make a difference.

    Petals crushed under footsteps to fast
    I found you in the meadow
    the broadest, the sweetest, the last

    In love a pain sticks through my chest
    this time I lie down in the flowers
    and died
    betrayed thoughts put to rest.




    Submitted on 2005-01-27 13:59:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A dying rose casts a shadow
    i like that line the best it seems almost prophetic in some way that you can almost grasp but cant ( i know it doesn't make sense but yeah.) any way i like the last stanza thingy also because she/you died. i like poems where they die. is that morbid?
    I like the last line also cause it makes it seem really sad. awesome right wouldn't change anything except maybe the last line where it says lie, it might be better lay down and died or change died to die
    Vynom
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]
      I LOVED LOVED LOVED this one! I don't know what it was about it, but I think that you guys really worked well together and described something utterly beautiful. I don't see anything about it that could be improved, I really enjoyed it~ jenn @>->-
    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by BreakAndFall | [ Reply to This ]
      you know its been soo long since i read that poem we wrote together. and now that i read it. i think we should make it a two part thing. like have first two stanza's start it off as a weird opening and then the part you wrote"therest" be like part 2. hope you get what im saying.
    | Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by LLRDD | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the first line break. gives it a whole new meaning. still I'm not quite sure what to think about the first stanza. it's a bit cut off from the rest. doesn't fit so well. I guess you could do without but it's very well written and as I said I like the line break so leave it in there.
    I've found a little mistake in the last stanza. you're switching times here from 'lie' to 'died'.
    besides that a really good poem. nice team work. enjoyed it.
    | Posted on 2005-01-28 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a nice poem the ending though it got me i wasn't expecting that and the title threw me off and i must say it was better than i expected good work! i guess two heads are better than one!

    Misty
    | Posted on 2005-01-27 00:00:00 | by misty_of_moon | [ Reply to This ]
      I would like to ask you, was writing a poem with someone else hard to do? I can't tell. you both seem to now where each other is coming from and the visionary is really nice.
    this was a wonderfully writen line
    Petals crushed under footsteps to fast
    I found you in the meadow
    the broadest, the sweetest, the last
    | Posted on 2005-01-27 00:00:00 | by Rubi_Roja | [ Reply to This ]
      oh ya i forgot that i was goin to grade it lol A ++ from me ...home G lol just kidding just trying to fill space so i can give you your grade and pass the time away before that damn bell rings lol love yaz!
    | Posted on 2005-01-27 00:00:00 | by grinninggashes | [ Reply to This ]
      WHOO WHOO great job sarah and zach! sorry i didnt' see him commin lol but anywho this was great must say i enjoyed it..a little different than waht i would read of yours but when you put two heads together something great comes of it lol so good job! loves it lol
    | Posted on 2005-01-27 00:00:00 | by grinninggashes | [ Reply to This ]


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