A dying rose casts a shadow i like that line the best it seems almost prophetic in some way that you can almost grasp but cant ( i know it doesn't make sense but yeah.) any way i like the last stanza thingy also because she/you died. i like poems where they die. is that morbid? I like the last line also cause it makes it seem really sad. awesome right wouldn't change anything except maybe the last line where it says lie, it might be better lay down and died or change died to die Vynom
I LOVED LOVED LOVED this one! I don't know what it was about it, but I think that you guys really worked well together and described something utterly beautiful. I don't see anything about it that could be improved, I really enjoyed it~ jenn @>->-
you know its been soo long since i read that poem we wrote together. and now that i read it. i think we should make it a two part thing. like have first two stanza's start it off as a weird opening and then the part you wrote"therest" be like part 2. hope you get what im saying.
I like the first line break. gives it a whole new meaning. still I'm not quite sure what to think about the first stanza. it's a bit cut off from the rest. doesn't fit so well. I guess you could do without but it's very well written and as I said I like the line break so leave it in there. I've found a little mistake in the last stanza. you're switching times here from 'lie' to 'died'. besides that a really good poem. nice team work. enjoyed it.
I would like to ask you, was writing a poem with someone else hard to do? I can't tell. you both seem to now where each other is coming from and the visionary is really nice. this was a wonderfully writen line Petals crushed under footsteps to fast I found you in the meadow the broadest, the sweetest, the last
oh ya i forgot that i was goin to grade it lol A ++ from me ...home G lol just kidding just trying to fill space so i can give you your grade and pass the time away before that damn bell rings lol love yaz!
WHOO WHOO great job sarah and zach! sorry i didnt' see him commin lol but anywho this was great must say i enjoyed it..a little different than waht i would read of yours but when you put two heads together something great comes of it lol so good job! loves it lol