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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: feardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jermwerm
    ASL Info:    26/m/FRESNO CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.29 - 203/268/83
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Riddle/
    Total Views: 1063
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 539



    Description:
       























    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfeardots
    -------------------------------------------


    If you think you see me.
    If you know you do.
    If your thoughts are undecayed.
    What if I see you?
    If you feel me in your eyes.
    If you hear me in your thoughts.
    What if hell is in your eyes.
    What do you think you'd do?
    I am the chosen one.
    What if I am true.
    Do you believe in evil things?
    What if I'm in you.
    Will you do my deeds for me?
    Will you help concieve?
    Do you want to survive to live,
    For what I am to see?




    Submitted on 2005-01-28 19:37:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Interesting. The anti-christ. hahaha. That's all I can come up with. How about our evil natures...
    aghh...I really am snagged by this one. I agree with someone who had previously commented, it does have some quality of a poem. The rhythm isn't too bad either. I couldn't tell if you had put commas or periods after each of the verses though...it bothered me that you would put so much punctuation. And the "If's" just didn't fit, or at least they didn't suit me.

    Oh...naptime!

    Suven.
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]
      what the hell I don't get it. I really only can come up with the devil and why is wordslingers balls ina n uproarz? it's not like the title gives it away or I don't know
    lamemansterms(just cruisin by)
    | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      I quite like your riddle, more as a poem than as a riddle. There is a pretty good rhythm going in most of the lines, which seems to make it a bit playful, though i felt the rhythm was somewhat broken in "do you want to survive to live" (and i felt this was also a weak line in itself) and the rhythm was slightly difficult to follow in "what do you think you'd do?" which might be changed to "what d'you think you'd do?" (though i'm not really sure about that either). I'm also doubtful whether "i'm the chosen one" contributes much to the poem.
    Otherwise, i like the variation from the first to the second person and the progression of question and answer, and the way the poem makes you think of who the speaker is, being not only a riddle for the mind, but also for the soul.
    Finally, i think the strongest line in the poem is "if your thoughts are undecayed", which i found very imaginative and reflective upon the society most of us live in
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by alex.vice.grab | [ Reply to This ]
      i dont want to rip on anything that you write because i feel that you are such an inspirational writer and just a great person. but i didnt understand the meaning of this piece. i want you to explain what u emant when u were writing this. i think that it has good imagery...to an extent. but i just didnt get it. i think maybe you should write a description infront of your pieces so that people like me(the slow ones) can understand your writings.

    Although the fact that i didnt understand it, i think that it is a perdy good piece.
    | Posted on 2005-02-01 00:00:00 | by PookiezBookie | [ Reply to This ]
      Are you the dark half of themselves that everyone fears and hides from, desperate to be anything else? I felt kind of like you were the devil trying to tempt evil out of me just to hear me scream. The glint in the eye is very apt. Everyone sees that glint in their own eye every once in awhile. It just depends whether or not you succumb to it. It reminded me of a great stephen king book called the Dark Half. There is wickedness inside us knawing through our hearts, most of us have to overcome it.
    Or maybe I have no idea what you were really talking about. If so please forgive and forget.
    | Posted on 2005-01-28 00:00:00 | by xena z rokax | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey NEXT TIME DON'T RUIN THE RIDDLE! STUPID-ASS! I love a good riddle and telling me it's the title isn't going to help, because it ruined the whole thing. PM me when you post another riddle WITHOUT the answer in it and I'll have a good puzzle. Thank god we have someone who isn't just a poet on this site.
    | Posted on 2005-01-28 00:00:00 | by wordslinger | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
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