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    dots Submission Name: mortalitydots

    Author: xena z rokax
    Elite Ratio:    4.54 - 35/35/16
    Words: 45
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1127
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 276

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

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    the paper is blank
    empty of sound
    unnoticed if falls to the ground

    it withers slowly
    faded and worn
    crushed by passing feet it is torn

    too soon it is gone
    a thing of the past
    a life erased, it is too fast

    Submitted on 2005-01-28 19:57:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The poem seems to support themes of nihlism and voidism, which is to say that life is as meaningless as it is temporary. "The paper is blank ...empty of sound." but then you say at the end "a life erased, it is too fast" which seems to suggest that there is some mistake with such a concept of life, otherwise, why the regret? Personally I would have liked to have seen these later theme in the poem developed more. Unless one is having a totally terrible time it is difficult to relate to voidistic concepts, and even if one is experiencing that, I feel there are more positive ways to express it.
    | Posted on 2005-01-29 00:00:00 | by kanu | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this was so good it's going on my favorites. The flow was only broken by "it is" in the second stanza..somewhere...wow...I love the meaning that gets across. I have no further critique, as this piece I find perfect.
    | Posted on 2005-01-29 00:00:00 | by wordslinger | [ Reply to This ]
      You are exactly write in this poem, life does go by way to fast. love the concept so much that you have inspired me to write a poem on the same subject,ty

    My only suggestion would be to show the ink stain of life in this excellent poem.

    keep writing and I will keep reading
    | Posted on 2005-01-29 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      the one thing that we have no control over is the begging of life and the end. and this poem shows that concept well. the only thing i got stuck on was this : unnoticed if falls to the ground" the word if throws me off i dont know if it was a typo or not but it makes the sentence sound like it makes no sence. other then that i really liked this write nice work
    | Posted on 2005-01-28 00:00:00 | by gypsy83 | [ Reply to This ]

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