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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: No Need For A Curedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ACircuitShock
    ASL Info:    18/M/WA
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 221/243/40
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 863
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1237



    Description:
       I am going to warn you right now that I personally don't especially like this one. If this poem dissapoints you I implore you to read any other of mine, I am not always like this.

    Hmmmmkay... with that being said I would like to know what you guys think the disease I speak about is. Any and all criticism is welcome. Thanks!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNo Need For A Curedots
    -------------------------------------------


    We are stricken by this disease,
    An affliction slowly burning;
    It is the convulsions of a soul
    Dissolving swiftly into madness.

    We are dying, my love,
    From a plauge we have created,
    From an end easily avoided,
    But we barrel on all the same.

    We are travelers, wanderers,
    Despondent citizens of chance.
    We are liars and heretics
    And yet we attempt only the truth.
    We are murderers of truth,
    Killers of freedom,
    And yet neither I miss greatly.
    We squander our dreams,
    Poison our lips,
    And yet it's sweetness is worth any demise.

    But now they say, my love,
    They have found a cure for our ailment.
    A surgery, so to speak,
    Of mind, body, and soul.
    But can I really discard this
    Like garbage?
    Can I throw this away with a single
    Thought of treachery?
    An incision would reveal resistent flesh
    And a body in no need for a cure.

    Can't they understand
    We need nothing?
    Send away this antidote,
    This cure you have promised...

    I much rather enjoy the poison.





    Submitted on 2005-01-28 23:46:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      'And yet it's' (Lose the apostrophe)

    'I much rather enjoy the poison.' (I'd-instead)

    I have absolutely no idea what you were shooting for exactly. But that's why I like it. I didn't find any concrete leads to one specific answer and so this allows to interpretation by the reader-they're allowed to look within and find their own disease.

    I haven't read your other work, but this I really liked, even if you did not. ^_^
    | Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, i really liked it. It's good to see another piece from you. The darkness of it held my attention. It usually does. If it's about a bodily disease, STDs maybe, if not, I'd say it's about sin in general.
    | Posted on 2005-01-29 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      i do like the idea of this piece, i just think the execution's a bit off. first of all, you could eliminate the 'we' and 'we are' repetition-it's not necessary.
    the last line could use some editing too. the wording seems a bit awkward. i think this is potentially a keeper with some work. :-)
    | Posted on 2005-01-29 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      totally awesome this dark sided poem, even though I am a person of light and hope. I like your willingness to admit you enjoy the dark side as well. In reality we all do,otherwise we wouldn't be sinners,its only when we only desire this as a way of life does it crush us forever. But you did write you don't feel this way all the time,bravo
    | Posted on 2005-01-29 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]


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