Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: so much as the samedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PastelSky
    ASL Info:    18/F/In the clouds
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 181/223/49
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 863
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 895



    Description:
       I don't normally lowercase my compositions (especially in the titles and at the beginning of the lines), though for some reason, I felt it just had to be lowercased in this poem.

    As for the meaning of the poem, perhaps you will perceive it, it is about how death is just the beginning, living and accepting death as a part of life, etc. The speaker can be recognized as a mother talking to her child. However, I'm willing to read different perceptions. Perhaps you readers picked up something different?

    I was aiming at something not quite melancholy, but at least a tad hopeful... did it seem like that after you read it?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsso much as the samedots
    -------------------------------------------


    i will die today,
    little one.

    the flowers will not wilt,
    however,
    no matter the long time passing.

    people will live,
    walking along lover's lane,
    and wars will continue.

    technology encompasses
    in an everlasting hoop.
    do mind my apple, please.

    in turn,
    i will die today,
    but life will go on,
    forever.

    for every pinecone that falls,
    only new seeds
    will shower the ground.

    the world will keep on turning,
    people shifting so much as the land,
    growing,
    changing,
    repeating all the same.

    life will not end.
    do not be sorry.
    do not be angry anymore.
    it's okay.

    i will die today,
    little one...

    but this is not the end.




    Submitted on 2005-01-29 00:39:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I have no problem with this being sad, or your overplaying that idea. Losing someone is not pleasant, but we live through. I think what I'm missing here is an idea that the child can relate to. Why not, that her mother will always be there watching over her, or that they will be close even though her mother's physical presence is gone. what you've done is good and while it seek to explain, a child's imagination is a fertile ground to plant a comforting idea. Which is a valid, one, I think. Making the child and her feelings the center theme of the poem.
    Nice job, thanks for sharing,

    nansofast
    | Posted on 2005-02-01 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      reading this made me feel a bit sad really. i know youre trying to give hope in this by saying life goes on, but its a sad reality to know that one day you will be one of those headstones that have just mingled in with the rest. obviously you dont want your loved ones to dwell on the pain of you dying but at the same time its knowing that everything youve done in life and everything that meant so much to you will be long gone as life moves on.
    anyway i like the poem itself its just kind of depressing. i can actually vision a mother on her death bed saying this to a child that is shattered.
    | Posted on 2005-01-29 00:00:00 | by SilentWhisper | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    44360

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Labor Pains written by MyPeriodical
    Gone written by MyPeriodical
    Remedies written by MyPeriodical
    Silly Rulers. written by MyPeriodical
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    Sanctimony written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Scared written by MyPeriodical
    Comparisons written by MyPeriodical
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    The annointed one is persecuted. written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Tired Vine written by MyPeriodical
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Human Progression written by ForgottenGraves
    To Be written by MyPeriodical
    Instances written by hyproglo
    I am a sorry son. Part two written by MyPeriodical
    That Kind of Love Never Brought Me Flowers written by Jazzy
    Stretto written by saartha
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    Two hundred and seven times written by MyPeriodical
    Quoth The Skies and its limits written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry