Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: We Are Invisible Inkdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: edthepoet
    ASL Info:    47-m-Pa
    Elite Ratio:    4.72 - 1476/991/125
    Words: 229
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1346
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 891



    Description:
       Sometime in life we forget how important memories are. This was my inspiration for this poem.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWe Are Invisible Inkdots
    -------------------------------------------


    We Are Invisible Ink

    From the moment we are born,
    our blots, smears and calligraphy
    moments of life were written with invisible ink

    We try so hard to make it permanent ink,
    by birth certificates, social security numbers and love letters

    Forging them onto hardrives, dvds and parchment
    thinking these will last forever

    Hardrives crash, dvds get lost, paper burns
    and asteroids destroy planets

    Forever has only one chance
    Through memories, if they travel with us into the afterlife

    Even this poem was written with invisible ink

    Edward K. Deputy













    Submitted on 2005-01-29 11:16:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      We try so hard to make it permanent ink,
    by birth certificates, social security numbers and love letters

    never thought of bc, ss#, and love letters that way. very original...
    dylanpoe's girl
    | Posted on 2005-07-24 00:00:00 | by dylanpoe | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, I think that is the nicest, most flattering comment I have ever seen from Rob. You should be glowing over that.

    This piece is splendid. you have used a unique voice to portray a universal topic. I am always taking mental snapshots so as not to forget anything. I find that my poetry is the physical existence of them. When I read back over something I wrote, I see it all again.

    The only thing I saw that I would change would be in the second stanza:

    "We try so hard to make it permanent ink,"...
    I would omit the "ink" just because I think it sounds a little redundant after the last line of the first stanza. but that is of little consequence in the grand scheme of this piece. I think this is beautiful...R.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      !


    Nice write. I bow unto you. Invisible ink. Blessing and curse. I've been using that term a lot lately. I may only be a teenager, but I fully understand what it is you are saying. Maybe only to a certain extent, but hey, I'm still growing.

    And when the feather pen digs as deep
    into your skin as it does on the paper
    of your dedication to it,

    how does the clear blood penetrate your body?
    Does it run deep onto the paper itself,
    recording your crimson tears?

    Or does it merely heal at the touch of
    your poetic fingernails, that dig into the pen
    that began your journey to literacy?

    Tell me, whisper into my ear your fear,
    but remember one thing for me...
    ink stains.

    Jen
    | Posted on 2005-04-02 00:00:00 | by poetofthenight | [ Reply to This ]
      [[We try so hard to make it permanent ink,]]

    im not sure why, but this line seems to break the flow. maybe because it is so plain in the midst of so many great analogies.

    [[Hardrives crash, dvds get lost, paper burns
    and asteroids destroy planets]]

    i like that, showing how our writing things down as if to prove them to ourselves is, in the end, a false sense of security.

    [[Forever has only one chance
    Through memories, if they travel with us into the afterlife]]

    i LOOVE those lines. i absolutely feel that you should end the poem right there, because i think that

    [[Even this poem was written with invisible ink]]

    breaks the tense moment you created with that other stanza. i dunno, i was just in awe of those lines, but then that last part just kindve broke my concentration. it just seems a bit misplaced. otherwise, very nice write :)
    sophie
    | Posted on 2005-03-11 00:00:00 | by sudie | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this interesting,original,and thought provoking peice.Although the topic is one that alot of us can relate to,your striking analogy with "invisible ink",gives this timeless theme a new twist.
    great work!
    | Posted on 2005-02-14 00:00:00 | by marigold | [ Reply to This ]
      Don't we all question this... as mere mortals we so desperately try to leave something behind to be remembered by. Even I have had anguished thoughts of breathing my last breath and being removed from this life with nothing to show that I ever walked the surface of this earth. But this is when you find solace in your faith and it has to be strong enough to keep you from wishing you can bottle it all up in a time capsule and preserve time and space for eternity. Very thought provoking writing.
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very emotional. I have thoughts like this all the time. Knowing that all we really have is those around us. And through them we truly exist. Such an impacting poem. Great one!

    Alicia
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      You bring up a subject that most people try to forget. Brave of you

    Your words are true, people have a tendency of fearing that they will die. So we try to keep memories of ourselves alive to replace our bodies. Kinda sad, but you can't blame us right? Even if the gods are laughing at our feeble attempts, it's our natural instinct to survive. Great poem, provked alot of thinking from me

    Aken Sol
    | Posted on 2005-01-31 00:00:00 | by Aken Sol | [ Reply to This ]
      Yup you said it. We're yearning for the eternal while our molars rot. Mind you I don't know if I would appreciate my memories of being a cockroach in a previous life
    | Posted on 2005-01-30 00:00:00 | by kanu | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey there. As always greatly creative writing. You always bring up subjects that people seem to think about or acknowledge, but don't often write about for fear of sounding foolish.

    Great work. Much love to ya.
    | Posted on 2005-01-29 00:00:00 | by Juliets_dagger | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem alot. It has a cool kind of flow to it. I enjoyed reading it. Good Job...


    We Are Invisible Ink

    From the moment we are born,
    our blots, smears and calligraphy
    moments of life were written with invisible ink

    We try so hard to make it permanent ink,
    by birth certificates, social security numbers and love letters

    Forging them onto hardrives, dvds and parchment
    thinking these will last forever

    Hardrives crash, dvds get lost, paper burns
    and asteroids destroy planets

    Forever has only one chance
    Through memories, if they travel with us into the afterlife

    Even this poem was written with invisible ink


    I hope to see more of your writings.
    stephanie
    | Posted on 2005-01-29 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
      ed,
    i find your analogies refreshing in a place where 85% of the writing is exactly the same.
    so how are you?
    i trust all is well and hope the same.
    i have a couple of what i think are mistakes that i would like to get away first so that i can point out to you what and why i liked/related to.

    'our blots, smears and calligraphy
    moments of life were written with invisible ink '
    your transition from the first line here to the second one is unclear. perhaps you need a colon or semi colon if you intend it to run on, or you need to add the word the or our or something like that to join the two together.
    because your poem is very much of a philosophical nature and you rely wholly on the metaphor and not imagery and such, i think you need to punctutate your piece as if it were prose; in an accurate an concise way.
    for example:
    'From the moment we are born,
    our blots, smears and calligraphy;
    the moments in life were written with invisible ink.

    We try so hard to make it permanent ink
    by birth certificates, social security numbers and love letters,

    forging them onto Hardrives, Dvds and Parchment, [all proper nouns]
    thinking these will last forever.

    Hardrives crash, Dvds get lost and paper burns.
    Asteroids destroy planets.

    Forever has only one chance:
    Through memories, if they travel with us into the afterlife.

    Even this poem was written with invisible ink.'
    im not sure what you think and it is only a suggestion, but it may read a little tighter and the facts may be taken in one by one and thus clearer for the reader.

    and onto your subject.
    yes.
    you use a novel analogy to describe the effects of life and how we are but something very small and essentially unremembered in the long haul.
    and this is true, and cliché, but you portray it as if it were not so.
    i like your work for what it is. you remind me of van gogh. i went to the museum in amsterdam and enjoyed judginhg and looking in to what made him tick and what drove his art and how hesaw the world. i dont like much of his work on a personal level, but that was somewhat irrelevant for me at the time, but i saw so much there.
    you and him are alike because you both say it and paint it how it is, but in your own styles. neither of you are afraid of anything, and i admire that. there are many things i would not do because i know i would not make them work, or fear that i would not make them work; and this is me. most of van gogh's work was not amazing, a lot of it was average, and i mean on an aesthetic and technical level, but he had no fear or care for this, he just did what he loved doing, in his own way, with great colour and texture and disdain for the norm.
    and i see this lack of fear in your work. you will write anyting, how you see it, regardless of whether it is 'poetic' or tasteful to others, just as it is to you. and you pick novel subjects to draw from.
    i respect this, and i relate to this becuase other than the slight element of fear, this is how i try to live my life.
    and it is nice that we have this in common. there is more to this than a 'tell it how it is' piece of writing, there is the man behind.
    and that is what we should be looking for.
    take care ed
    on1eday.co.uk
    | Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    44397

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Records I written by Raphael
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Dream written by closetpoet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry