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    dots Submission Name: Foggy Truthdots

    Author: Quiet Clamor
    Elite Ratio:    5.88 - 128/123/37
    Words: 16
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 1218
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 118


    It's about my contacts.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFoggy Truthdots

    A glassy hope
    clasped over the souls eye.
    Chalked vision
    hiding ashen images
    of dark days.

    Submitted on 2005-01-29 19:31:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      YAY! I read this one last night and really liked it, but I was on the phone and something about the way my brain functions keeps me from being able to type and talk at the same time. Funny how stuff like that works.

    First of all, I love this. I don't have contacts myself, but from what I've seen among those of my peers who do have contacts, they are a blessing and a curse all rolled into one. I like the way you (sort of, in my mind at least) wove something of that love-hate relationship into your poem. I picked that emotion up somehow and could be wrong, but that's what I'm thinking.

    Also, I think it would help the poem if you would write something about how they help you see better. . . sort of in between the two sections of your poem (the second section to me begins after the words "soul's eye".) That is just a suggestion. And (oh my gosh here she goes again with her suggestions) I would change the word "dark" to "darker" to give the poem a little more of a confusing touch. . . and it sounds cooler in my opinion.

    Thanks for sharing and inviting me to rant. Great write!

    | Posted on 2005-01-30 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]
      Good job! This is very amusing. It made me laugh when I finally got it. I love the way you interperet it though, very original. It must suck to wear contacts. For some reason I thought you meant friends, when I read contacts. Just the way I read it I guess. But very good...

    A glassy hope
    clasped over the souls eye.
    Chalked vision
    hiding ashen images
    of dark days.

    Sounds like my eyes feel now. Dry and irritated. Good write. -sin
    | Posted on 2005-01-29 00:00:00 | by sinmore | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't believe it! I read the stupid description. It would have been so fun to try and figure out what it meant. The piece was really short which i liked. Also if i had not read the description it would have kept me up all night trying to figure out what it ment.

    Good Job!
    | Posted on 2005-01-29 00:00:00 | by Lostlover | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, so short yet so depressing. I mean, I'm not sure if you were intending to make this piece come across as sorrowful as it did to me but for something about contact lenses this rang in my ears as "grim." Of course you know that with that in mind, it makes this a surprisingly powerful little passage. Hmm, bravo (I think...)
    | Posted on 2005-02-02 00:00:00 | by gavinspikenard | [ Reply to This ]

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