Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Your Eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dana
    ASL Info:    23/F/Dreamland
    Elite Ratio:    3.98 - 79/87/26
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 920
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 765



    Description:
       About magic of eyes and human souls...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYour Eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your eyes so brilliant blue
    Like two crystals shine upon me
    Showing the romance to me
    The best I could ever sense and see

    Telling me the legend of eternity
    About your soul gone astray
    Don’t hide your entity,
    I can see through your secrecy!

    Your eyes aquamarine blue
    Reflecting your soul in the sea
    The rustle of the waves affecting
    Each corner of my thirsty soul
    I have built the sea route to your home

    Your spirit has floated a long road
    Encountered with every lost soul
    It is striving to find shelter in me
    Still being restless, wild and ravenous
    Be ready to roll and stay with me!

    © by DANA 2005




    Submitted on 2005-01-30 07:36:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a cute little poem... it makes me think of a country song, not that that is a bad thing, I mean, some country is good, lol. I like it though, it like makes me think of a really handsome guy that is always around the ocean, stuck on the water, but so so sexy, lmao... I like this as much as your other stuff, you are a good writer, like me, lol. Good job!
    | Posted on 2005-02-01 00:00:00 | by ViCiOuSWrItEr | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoy poems that center around the theme of someone's eyes. I like to see how the person expresses their ideas on such a popular topic. I'd say that you have a pretty strong piece here. I'd probably draw a line across your poem between the first two and the last two stnazas. I'm a big fan of the last two. Your voice and personal style really shine through, but the first two dabble in the realm of clichés. Your voice begins to gain strength in the second stanza, but I know that you can reword them a bit (not entirely) and make them shine with the same strong voice you exhibit toward the end.
    | Posted on 2005-01-30 00:00:00 | by Memphis | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    44527

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry