Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Distancedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wildcatchamps
    ASL Info:    33 Las Vegas
    Elite Ratio:    5.42 - 47/57/34
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 596
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 889



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Distancedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The sky has lost itís color
    The sun has turned to grey
    At least thatís how it feels to me
    Whenever youíre away

    I crawl up in the corner
    As I watch the minutes pass
    Each one brings me closer to
    The time when youíll be back
    Youíre coming back

    I canít take the distance
    I canít take the miles
    I canít take the time
    Until the next time I see you smile
    I canít take the distance
    And Iím not ashamed
    That I canít take a breath without saying your name
    I can brave a hurricane
    And still be standing tall when all the dust has settled down
    But I canít take the distance

    I still believe in feelings
    But sometimes I feel too much
    I make believe youíre close to me
    But it ainít close enough
    Not nearly close enough




    Submitted on 2005-01-31 02:58:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Beautiful ;)
    One of your best writes...always wish I could hear the music...and with this one I can...meter and flow are so well done.
    The longing and pain mixed with tender care are heart pounding and breath taking at the same time.
    Bravo
    kelly
    | Posted on 2005-02-12 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Very tight flow to that one. Long distance realtionships defintely suck. Even if the distance is just down the street now that i think about it. Anyhow, it was good and I have nothing constructive to say.
    shard
    | Posted on 2005-01-31 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]
      its pretty tight if its going to be a rock song, and have to agree a little with miss mary.
    it needs something else to really make it different or stand out (maybe that will be the music or chorus).
    now its allways easy to make reconmendations when someone else put the effort in so let me begin. "The sky has lost it?s color
    The sun has turned to grey
    THIS IS HOW IT FEELS(suggestion)
    Whenever you?re away
    "I crawl up in the corner
    As I watch the minutes pass
    Each one brings me closer to
    The time when you?ll be back
    You?re coming back
    "I crawl up in the corner
    As I watch the minutes pass ON MY 24 HOUR GLASSES (suggestion)
    EACH ONE TAKES ME FURTHER AWAY FROM A MEMORY AND CLOSER BACK TO YOU(suggestion)

    You?re coming back( is this part a ? or are you saying for sure she's coming back).
    "I can brave a hurricane" this is a very tight a$$ line, but let me suggest you put like 1 or 2 more things you could go through and survive but not the distance that keeps you apart.
    "I still believe in LOVE
    But sometimes I FEEL too much"

    GO ahead and rock it out....remember this is from the outside lookin in.
    maybe you can critique my song and let me know.
    While you were sleepin......

    very nice song.... ONE....
    | Posted on 2005-01-31 00:00:00 | by elohimswork | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it. It sounds like the other love lyrics that have been up here, but as I say, "If your going to be unoriginal you better atleast be good." And so this was good, and I enjoyed it, even though it'll probably never go anywhere unless you can make it more original and not-sounding-like-every-other-love-song-ever-written. Not to be mean or anything, but it's just the truth. I'm glad you have a person you love this much, too.
    | Posted on 2005-01-31 00:00:00 | by wordslinger | [ Reply to This ]
      Hermosa Beach yellin at ya here! Anyway I trully felt your hurt and the fact you lost your girl or whatever, and there was a chance she might not come back but you were still holding on to the hope that she was coming back. Good rhyming flow- everything it was simple and Good. Sorry for all these stupid words but look at my name and you'll understand. Thanks for the vision inside your heart~m
    | Posted on 2005-01-31 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    44654

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    prison written by ShyOne
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    untitled written by ShyOne
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Love written by saartha
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Shi written by ShyOne
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry