Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Passagewaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Aken Sol
    Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 197/204/67
    Words: 303
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 850
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2069



    Description:
       The format i used is called a glosa.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPassagewaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    "Paper thin candies strewn on the floor.
    Paper weight gumdrops glued to my door.
    Discarded canisters suddenly bore
    The mark of my sainted companion."

    -Sean Allen

    Empty shells of the past forgotten,
    Clings to my wall remaining rotten.
    Tiny specks of dust float in mid-air
    Touching not the ground as if aware
    Of the poison that seeped unto the wood
    Through paper thin candies strewn on the floor.
    And the wood caves and breaks as it should
    Under the weight of the lack of good.
    When the poison drips into the core
    The blood that's tainted shall cease to pour.

    Stringed wing rats hanging from the ceiling
    Red eyes flash, no sense of feeling.
    Pale moonlight floods in the glass gateway
    And hits the fog causing disarray.
    The melted window, frozen in place
    Imprisoned to its task ever more.
    Providing a hazzy, wavy taste
    Of a world one cannot embrace.
    Vilest wickedness, death, and war
    And paperweight gumdrops glued to my door.


    Former white walls were washed by the dark,
    Seems darker still with the moonlight's mark.
    Cracked and wrinkled by merciless time
    But as it goes "No witness no crime,"
    And with that declared the truth unfolds:
    Discarded canisters suddenly bore
    The deepest secrets the shadow holds.
    As I stare, the canisters explodes,
    Light emmitted devours the 'noir'.
    Now i see what i could not before.

    Paved right before me was a way out
    This was my chance, my mind had no doubt.
    i leap over my bed-like casket,
    Excitement knocks, i try to mask it.
    But then a figure stood in my path
    The mark of my sainted companion.
    Mocking my movements without a laugh,
    Blocking my entrance with eyes of wrath.
    I back away from my reflection
    And fade away from my imperfection.




    Submitted on 2005-01-31 19:04:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      That is an awesome write. I agree that it does have a Ravenesque feel. The scheme seemed just a little forced in a couple of places, but I could have just lost the tempo in my little mind. I like how you wrote deeper into each line of the original quote which seemed so innocuous. When I read the quote I definately did not see something so dark coming from it. Way to go.
    | Posted on 2005-01-31 00:00:00 | by solararia | [ Reply to This ]
      damn soul man you went and took us over the top with this one, incredible, so now tell me what happened to poem and quotes, it has disappeared from the web, good to see you though...Bob:)
    | Posted on 2005-01-31 00:00:00 | by poetryman | [ Reply to This ]
      I absolutely love this. It reminds me of Edhar Allen Poe's the Raven for some reason. Its dark, and describes so well an essence of evil which penetrates your setting and self. Very beautiful. Only one question...in the second line is that word supposed to be reigning? Not sure, but anyways great poem and thank you.
    Laura
    | Posted on 2005-01-31 00:00:00 | by etheariac | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    44780

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Mystery Read written by kyserin

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry