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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: APART FROM LOVEdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jermwerm
    ASL Info:    26/m/FRESNO CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.29 - 203/268/83
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/Depressed
    Total Views: 1032
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 627



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAPART FROM LOVEdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Apart from love, so, so far away. Confused between tears and laughs. Hope and fear tare apart my sane thoughts. Left alone, only smileing in my memory. Sleep is shaddered by saddness.

    The sun only feeling cold without her by my side. Heavy questions taunt my every hour. Drifting afar, passing away mid summers day. Lost are my answers. Question happiness with little hope. Why, I ask, where is the secret place, the time? What ever happend to the glowing dream, the shinning realm where danced our fantasy? Who knows? The closer I float to it, the farther she falls. Drifting for no reason. Apart from love.




    Submitted on 2005-01-31 23:15:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Oh this is beautiful...
    'The closer I float to it, the farther she falls' is a line anyone who's ever been in love could relate to
    You write in such an odd, disjointed way but the overall effect is superb. I really can't put my finger on what it is about your style, but whatever it is I like it.
    Whatever happened to the glowing dream? made me think of a relationship just as it reaches the end... you can't work out what is going wrong, but you know something is. Evertime you see them there's awkwardness, like you've already broken up or whatever, and you want to stop it and make it work but you don;t know why it isn;t working, and so all you can think is 'where did all our dreams go?'.
    And that's it, the disjointed writing, it's exactly like how you think when you're confused and worried... your mind gets so restless and wierd.
    AllyRose x
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by AllyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      Such a beautiful poem. I think everyone can relate to your words, it seems like the closer you get to your love, the further away your love is. It feels the same way to me now - and I've only been married for 5 years. The closer I want to be to him, I feel further away. I also like how you wrote about being in the sun and still feeling cold. I really enjoyed this one!
    | Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by Laura Lee | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this a lot, it feels sad and nostalgic and philosophical, just the kind of thing i like to read, I also read Your dismissed, shroom trip and observation insane, all very cool with this feeling of reality, in the sense that your talking about trippin on acid (in most of them) and shrooms with such honesty and so perfectly. but of course this sense of distorted reality because your talking about tripping. i think, of course you could revise them a little as some of the other people said, but aren't we always re-writing ?
    I am, personally, there really is no other way to get better.
    on this poem i think it's pretty close to perfect, i like the way you somehow make us see this relationship. good job !
    cc
    | Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by C. Starr | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know, I really liked this piece, though I don't know particularly what I liked about it. The whole piece just seemed so nostalgic and real. good work, -sin
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by sinmore | [ Reply to This ]
      NOW THIS IS WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT! 5!5!5!5!5! all the way. i absolutely love this piece. i mean sheezer! why were you hiding this from me? this is just great. o wow i want to thank you for sharing this with me and i am putting it on my favorites. i totally understand where you are coming from with this. we both have experienced a trauma dealing with our close loved ones. And i mean wow, you couldnt have explained it any better. THANKYOU! SO MUCH! u just made my day, my night, my whole freekin year! keep it up just like this. the one part that just stuck out to me. was

    "...The closer I float to it, the farther she falls. Drifting for no reason. Apart from love..."

    omg this could not be any more truer. this is how i feel about my first love. great job.

    Please keep ones like this coming.
    | Posted on 2005-02-01 00:00:00 | by PookiezBookie | [ Reply to This ]


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