Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dublhelix
    ASL Info:    18/m/perth australia
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 43/36/15
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 226
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 790



    Description:
       another poem. well.....go ahead....slam it, can it...give me feedback please!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    "peace, the storm of thoughts,
    echos though the prison...
    that is my mind, festering,
    to bubble and boil,
    rheum and gloom, to
    poison thoughts that should be sane..
    to feed doubt and encourage fear...
    turn people who are far to near...
    to vent my thoughts in writing here,
    is peace for a time, silence is near..


    however thoughts when vented do remain,
    and people see and think the same,
    as i do...that thoughts such,
    as echod from my mind seems such as madness?
    alexander knew. socrates knew.
    to write is to acheive...something.
    but to loose something else....
    which is the greater loss?

    and which the greater gain?"




    Submitted on 2005-02-01 07:19:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      your wording is very good and I like how you break in and out of rhyme in this which is unusuall. It seems to work fine for you though. I'd like to suggest getting rid of a bunch of the elipses... This many makes it look like your not sure what to put at the end of the lines if anything. In the first stanza most should be semiclons except the one in line 6. It needs no punctuation.
    jan
    | Posted on 2005-02-02 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a really good poem...deep, I like how you refer to Socrates and Alexander, nice touch.
    poison thoughts that should be sane...this was a really awesome line, made the whole thing absolutely beautiful to me.
    | Posted on 2005-02-01 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.