Daunting and haunting.
Search to find,
Alone to wait.
Opposite in power,
United in image.
Twisted and confused.
Ending of a beginning.
| I really liked how you just kind of threw the words on the page. I felt a lot like it was your solution to writer's block; something that I can completely and totally relate to, as I seem to be getting a lot of that recently.|
That said, I have a suggestion or two with the lines that may help the flow just a little bit if you decide that you want to go back and do a little bit of editing.
Lines 4 and 5 might work a little better if you match the tense that you've chosen in the third line: consistancy.
SearchING to find,
In this line, it might be better if you add "an"
United in AN image.
It's nice how this piece is just a flow of ideas: idea, idea, idea, idea. Nothing is particularly expanded on, and while oftentimes that can detract from the piece, I really felt like this was a piece that I could truly relate to. Nicely written, and thank you for sharing it with us.
|| Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by zyllion | [ Reply to This ] || Erm, what can i say? It's definitely new in form and style; i'd say that the poem is quite refreshing from long stanzas. But i don't get the poetic intention? What did you try to convey? Is it supposed to be sounding clashy and confusing? Because my brainjuices are using my brain as a juicemixer and confusing me thoroughly right now... NO offence though.|
Try explaining to me, kay?
|| Posted on 2005-02-01 00:00:00 | by Sebby | [ Reply to This ] |