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words


Author: Kaitylizzy
ASL Info:    20/female/Vermont
Elite Ratio:    8 - 284 /172 /36
Words: 33
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1261
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 295



Description:


Sorry forgot a discription earlier. This is a new kind of thing I tried here, I was trying to describe what it feels like and what I see when I look at myself in the mirror


words



Staring down,
Blank; empty
Daunting and haunting.
Search to find,
Realize nothing.
Alone to wait.
Reflections glare,
Opposite in power,
United in image.
Not knowing,
Twisted and confused.
Ending of a beginning.




Submitted on 2005-02-01 08:20:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I really liked how you just kind of threw the words on the page. I felt a lot like it was your solution to writer's block; something that I can completely and totally relate to, as I seem to be getting a lot of that recently.

That said, I have a suggestion or two with the lines that may help the flow just a little bit if you decide that you want to go back and do a little bit of editing.

Lines 4 and 5 might work a little better if you match the tense that you've chosen in the third line: consistancy.
SearchING to find,
RealizING nothing.

In this line, it might be better if you add "an"
United in AN image.

It's nice how this piece is just a flow of ideas: idea, idea, idea, idea. Nothing is particularly expanded on, and while oftentimes that can detract from the piece, I really felt like this was a piece that I could truly relate to. Nicely written, and thank you for sharing it with us.
| Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by zyllion | [ Reply to This ]
  Erm, what can i say? It's definitely new in form and style; i'd say that the poem is quite refreshing from long stanzas. But i don't get the poetic intention? What did you try to convey? Is it supposed to be sounding clashy and confusing? Because my brainjuices are using my brain as a juicemixer and confusing me thoroughly right now... NO offence though.

Try explaining to me, kay?
Sebby
| Posted on 2005-02-01 00:00:00 | by Sebby | [ Reply to This ]


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