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Author: painofthanatos
Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 684 /571 /86
Words: 124
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 985
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 597


old poem thought i'd put it up and see what people say


Every night the same old trend
I turn the lights low and tuck myself into bed
And slowly all of these thoughts enter my head
Thoughts of Life. Thought of Death.
Thoughts of Love. Thoughts of Hate.
Thoughts of Everything I have done wrong
Thoughs of Nothing I have done right
And all of these thoughts continue to flow
From my mind to my eyes and slowly down my face
Every morning the pillow is damp
From the tears I cried until I could cry no more
Eyes swollen shut
Heart Broke Open

Submitted on 2005-02-01 12:07:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I like this peice and I agree with Rain, it would probably read a little better with some work and some breaking up. Also there are a few typo's but who cares, it gets the point across.
"And all of these thoughts continue to flow,
from my mind to my eyes and slowly down my face."
was also my favorite part of this peice...
| Posted on 2005-02-01 00:00:00 | by Darkest Flaw | [ Reply to This ]
  this is a very heartfeltpoem,that I'm sure alot of us can relate was written in a very laconic,to the point manner,and this was quite expressive.however,maybe you could try to "hide" the meaning of the poem,(in imagery,color,images) and thereby(possibly) make it more poignant and stinging.just a thought of course,and good work!
| Posted on 2005-02-01 00:00:00 | by marigold | [ Reply to This ]
  hey... what happened to making fun of people... I was really enjoying that... I liked this piece... it was full of words and stuff which i guess just about every piece has... it was kinda sad but hey everybody haxs the right to be sad every once in a while... though I would space this alot differently. but all in all this piece was good... no rhyme which is good because rhyme makes me cry and my head hurt... awesomeness to the third degree...
| Posted on 2005-02-01 00:00:00 | by bleedbroken | [ Reply to This ]
  This is pretty good, I know the feeling, although I have stuff like that running through my head all day, I swear I have ADD... I can barely get to sleep at night due to all the things flying through my brain... its insane... nice poem... I am sure we all can relate.
| Posted on 2005-02-01 00:00:00 | by ViCiOuSWrItEr | [ Reply to This ]
  This is good. It needs a little work though. Maybe break it up a little.
And all of these thoughts continue to flow
From my mind to my eyes and slowly down my face
This is my favorite part.
You did a wonderful job, just work on the structure a little and it'll flow a bit better.

| Posted on 2005-02-01 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]

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