i think this is a good write up until the last stanza. "Pretty Pierrot heart thats slain Deep inside, our sorrows rain Slowly you drown the serenity That you seem to hold Inside of me"
i don't know just throwing some things in there. something is missing in that last part but i don't know what it is. i think that you have written it so far with good rhymes and i like the overall structure of it. the metaphoric aspect in this is great. i love the way your mind thinks and this just shows how great it is** my only suggestion is on that last stanza.***
It was a very intresing metaphor, it was diffrent and i like it. Your rythm and rythem was very good however i dint understand the last verse, but i guess thats just me. keep it up.
Submission Name: Pretty Pierrot -WIP
