Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Deceitdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: the apocrypha
    Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 185/192/48
    Words: 55
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1186
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 372



    Description:
       I actually reworked this one before posting it, which is quite unusual for me. Anyways, hope you enjoy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeceitdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I
    Will follow
    For the sake
    Of a hollow
    Hollow cause I will
    I will, I will, I will
    Break your dreams and
    Break my promises again

    For the sake
    Of knowing how you feel

    For a selfish purpose I will
    Break you to know
    How very low
    Your confidence
    Can reach




    Submitted on 2005-02-02 08:50:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hmm...Short and deep... This is a good writing... Your portrayal of wanting to break someone or hurt them to see how low they can get... I can really sense a feeling of anger and pain here...

    For a selfish purpose I will
    Break you to know
    How very low
    Your confidence
    Can reach

    This is my favorite stanza...Good writing!
    .Caleb.
    | Posted on 2005-02-02 00:00:00 | by Exquisite_Death | [ Reply to This ]
      i have to say that is very intoresting i liked the set up and the idea behind it. i have never read anything like this one before on this site. good work lia
    | Posted on 2005-02-02 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I like that this is written from the opposite point of view than I usually take (I usually write from the point of view of the person being abused over the abuser).

    I
    Will follow
    For the sake
    Of a hollow
    Hollow cause I will

    I like the repetition and rhyme there. Repeating "I will" makes it more emphatic, and hollow makes it more powerful.

    For the sake
    Of knowing how you feel

    For a selfish purpose I will
    Break you to know
    How very low
    Your confidence
    Can reach

    That kind of hits close to home (and the bone) because my father (and my grandmother) verbally abused me, and I've never understood it. I've never been able to put someone doen to make myself feel better. I just feel guilty. I think it's made me a walking blister (I'm that sensitive).

    Thanks for this interesting and disturbing look at the other side of verbal abuse.
    | Posted on 2005-02-02 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      sorry i dont like it. i think its the subject matter.
    perhaps thats just me lol. i like my poems to be more...i dont know, full.
    | Posted on 2005-02-02 00:00:00 | by dublhelix | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this....maybe because when i was reading it .... I couldn't get the picture of your eyes out of my head...( if those belong to you ) deep and dark like the words written down....
    thanx for the write..
    if you like poems like this check out my poem called halo and horns...
    | Posted on 2005-02-02 00:00:00 | by Rubi_Roja | [ Reply to This ]
      This is one of the sadder things I've read of late. I want to write a screenplay about this character...well written and hauntingly lovely somehow...nice little rhymes and repetition, and then the unexpected end where you'd expect "Can go" you kinda taunt the "Can reach" depriving us of the rhyme. Clever.

    Evil, yet so interesting...I dig it
    | Posted on 2005-02-02 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    45052

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry