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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Racing Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elitegundam
    ASL Info:    25/M/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.25 - 68/90/20
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 270
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 688



    Description:
       I wrote this poem for my girlfriend on our 1 month anniversary, it's not that good because I was trying to keep it rhyming, but let me know what you think...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Racing Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Looking into your eyes, my heart starts to race,
    gazing at your beautiful face,
    my mind can't keep up the pace,
    I reach for you, a warm embrace,
    I'm spellbound by your beauty and grace.

    Holding each other, we sway, then dance,
    start to kiss like they do in France,
    eyes closed, I'm in a trance,
    we part finally, filled with joy I prance,
    daily, my feelings for you enchance.

    Once again I reach for you,
    you wrap your arms around me too,
    when we're together I don't feel blue,
    we both strive for the happiness we're due,
    I that our love is true.




    Submitted on 2005-02-02 10:28:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Awwwww...That's so sweet. Googly, woogy, goo...Who cares what the critics think, I'm sure she loved it, right? Sometimes it's more about the emotion of the piece and your feelings rather than the laws of poetry. Who sets the standards for poetry anyway? You acknowledged your forced rhyme scheme so there's no need to bash you on that. Overall, good write. Keep doing what ya doing.
    | Posted on 2005-02-02 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
      Indeed, very sappy, but it is also very sweet and deserves credit... I'm sure your girlfriend will love it... It is a good writing, but the first line really doesnt go with the rest of the first stanza... Too long... But you gave it your all and I would love to get it if I was ur GF... ewwww... LoL..Keep up the good work bro.
    .Caleb.
    | Posted on 2005-02-02 00:00:00 | by Exquisite_Death | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the line: "Kiss like they do in france...just how you didn't say french kiss, but we all knew it...nice piece...kind cliché'd (cause then I don't feel so blue) but still...not bad...

    ~Anarius~
    | Posted on 2005-02-02 00:00:00 | by Anarius | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I really enjoyed this poem because it was sweet that you would write something within just one month! And I really liked how you rhymed it like that because I enjoy that kind of stuff so good job!
    | Posted on 2005-02-02 00:00:00 | by grinninggashes | [ Reply to This ]



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