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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wamthdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xena z rokax
    Elite Ratio:    4.54 - 35/35/16
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 788
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1202



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWamthdots
    -------------------------------------------


    pen to page
    I am lost
    in a fury of violent snow
    cold wracks my body
    ice lashing my face
    and I turn to you

    words only
    mean no harm
    twenty six letters
    meaning nothing
    but human mouths
    turn them foul
    fill them with pain
    and I turn to you

    I can't walk any longer
    waist high
    in fluffy snow
    pure as winter morning
    but filled with icy chill
    I stand
    praying for warmth
    and I turn to you

    I sit in an office
    awaiting my fate
    magazine before me
    but I can't read the words
    I am filled with dread
    palpitating heart racing
    and I turn to you

    the day is done
    sun set in silent glory
    night settles in softly
    moonlight spilling in the window
    making patterns on the floor
    I hear my name
    softly spoken
    and I turn to you

    snow dusted lashes
    frozen cheeks
    icy lips
    thaw slowly
    head on your heart
    beating in time to my mine
    so close
    and together we find warmth




    Submitted on 2005-02-02 15:23:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      somehow the concluding lines make it all worth while. all of the cold imagery was a great way of building up to that. I find that a lot of people use similar images (the cold vs warmth of love) but you get away from repetition by using a somewhat cleaner faster style, short lines and simple pictures taking the reader quickly down the page and gradually snowballing (if you pardon the pun) into a sentiment which you then fullfill in the ending...very pretty somehow, the simplicity of love spelt out, great

    the lack of punctuation works well on this one

    thanks for sharing

    ellisa
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]
      "
    snow dusted lashes
    frozen cheeks
    icy lips
    thaw slowly
    head on your heart
    beating in time to my mine
    so close
    and together we find warmth"

    Sounds kinda like something I would write.
    This is so sweet...It starts off sad and seems a little bitter to me but the enidng, finding warmth with that person...adorable...To me...lol...
    | Posted on 2005-02-02 00:00:00 | by Cigarette Smoke | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this is some write. Very good piece. I liked all of it. Very lucid and discriptive. It really brought me into your world for a minute. There was no part a liked more than the rest. It was all good from beginning to end. Good work. -sin
    pen to page
    I am lost
    in a fury of violent snow
    cold wracks my body
    ice lashing my face
    and I turn to you

    head on your heart
    beating in time to my mine
    so close
    and together we find warmth
    I'm telling you, good work. You should feel satisfied with this piece. -sm
    | Posted on 2005-02-02 00:00:00 | by sinmore | [ Reply to This ]


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    45099

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