Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the mandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lynn7
    ASL Info:    43/ St. Augustine, FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.38 - 419/288/103
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 961
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 757



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe mandots
    -------------------------------------------


    the world is going sideways
    the man is standing still
    the breeze of tomorrow
    is floating through his will
    so much talent
    so much to waste
    so many dreams
    floating unto space
    he gives up on life
    he can't find a way
    for the passion to free today
    so he just sits and watches
    the world go astray

    Even if he wanted to
    what good would he make
    there's so much opposition
    too much of it is fake
    so much is a show
    for all to see
    to deceive to weak
    to condemn the free

    he dreams sometimes of a song
    a sweet melody
    to ease the mind and set
    the spirits free





    Submitted on 2005-02-02 22:22:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a good write. The flow was good. I felt that if the rhymes where split, it would read better, also commas are needed. Otherwise, good write.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
      So much "so's" nice though and very expressive me like
    so much talent
    so much to waste
    so many dreams
    floating unto space
    keep up the work peace & stay safe...
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by Cordell | [ Reply to This ]
      The imagery of the first four lines definitly grabbed my attention. After that, vague lines, instead of specific details, distance the reader from the subject of the poem ( not always a bad thing). It also seemed that some of the rhyme as forced, as if a better word could have been chosen if there were not already a rhyming format. This is a problem I also struggle with, and have not really found a good solution except by taking a lot of time to think it over. I thought the brevity of the final stanza helped wrap things up, and it was easy to relate to. Keep writing!
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by russiangopher | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    45161

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry