[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: the mandots

    Author: lynn7
    ASL Info:    43/ St. Augustine, FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.38 - 419/288/103
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1066
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 757


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe mandots

    the world is going sideways
    the man is standing still
    the breeze of tomorrow
    is floating through his will
    so much talent
    so much to waste
    so many dreams
    floating unto space
    he gives up on life
    he can't find a way
    for the passion to free today
    so he just sits and watches
    the world go astray

    Even if he wanted to
    what good would he make
    there's so much opposition
    too much of it is fake
    so much is a show
    for all to see
    to deceive to weak
    to condemn the free

    he dreams sometimes of a song
    a sweet melody
    to ease the mind and set
    the spirits free

    Submitted on 2005-02-02 22:22:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is a good write. The flow was good. I felt that if the rhymes where split, it would read better, also commas are needed. Otherwise, good write.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
      So much "so's" nice though and very expressive me like
    so much talent
    so much to waste
    so many dreams
    floating unto space
    keep up the work peace & stay safe...
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by Cordell | [ Reply to This ]
      The imagery of the first four lines definitly grabbed my attention. After that, vague lines, instead of specific details, distance the reader from the subject of the poem ( not always a bad thing). It also seemed that some of the rhyme as forced, as if a better word could have been chosen if there were not already a rhyming format. This is a problem I also struggle with, and have not really found a good solution except by taking a lot of time to think it over. I thought the brevity of the final stanza helped wrap things up, and it was easy to relate to. Keep writing!
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by russiangopher | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    To written by SavedDragon
    This written by Chelebel
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]