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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Discardeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sugar-n-spice
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 54/49/8
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 268
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 459



    Description:
       Trying to look beyond the pain of a broken relationship...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDiscardeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Keeping the warmth
    close to my heart
    so the coldness
    of your stare
    cannot hurt me.

    Wishing you would
    shed that hateful smile
    and return the dreams
    that you've stolen.

    You are no longer
    imporant enough
    to regulate
    the highs and
    the lows.

    The gatekeeper
    chair is vacant
    and the key
    to the lock
    has changed.




    Submitted on 2005-02-03 12:17:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      im not too keen on this. its not bad..the second stanza obscures and seems to undermine the message of the poem though. the last stanza is definitely interesting though. the idea of the heart as a gateway...id develop this poem a bit more along that same metaphorical vein...
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by infernal_rose | [ Reply to This ]
      intresting poem, simply written but effective, the final stanza is by far the most interesting, as it rescues the whole thing from being just another love poem, this makes it different...the idea of being locked in/out and without another human to appeal to is a tense and effective image as it implies loneliness and a feeling of helplessness...but can i be really rude and ask you to read my poem 'cradlesnatcher' ? i wouldn't except its relevant to your user name...id be interested to see your response, cheers.
    ellisa
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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