im not too keen on this. its not bad..the second stanza obscures and seems to undermine the message of the poem though. the last stanza is definitely interesting though. the idea of the heart as a gateway...id develop this poem a bit more along that same metaphorical vein...
intresting poem, simply written but effective, the final stanza is by far the most interesting, as it rescues the whole thing from being just another love poem, this makes it different...the idea of being locked in/out and without another human to appeal to is a tense and effective image as it implies loneliness and a feeling of helplessness...but can i be really rude and ask you to read my poem 'cradlesnatcher' ? i wouldn't except its relevant to your user name...id be interested to see your response, cheers. ellisa
Submission Name: Discarded
