Echoes by KrimsonReaper

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Submission Name: Echoes dots

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Author:	KrimsonReaper
ASL Info:	26/M/Denver, CO
Elite Ratio:	4.61 - 328/443/46
Words:	90

Class/Type:	Poetry/Dark
Total Views:	713
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	957

Description:
I am more disturbed right now than I have ever been after writing something. I had a dream this morning, a nightmare. I don't know how to recover from what I beheld.

Echoes

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breathing
silence, breathing, silence…heartbeat
seclusion, away from the ears of others
far too far
intensity, anger, illusions dying…He’s suspicious.
vehemence—Don’t yell.

seething
emotion, seething, emotion…weeping
mistake, china masks, cracking egg shells
wrong, so wrong
obsession, need, psychosis surrender…Please stop
goddamnit Stop—STOP!

screaming
laughing, screaming, laughing…echoes
betrayal, friendship fantasy and bloody thighs
torn, heart torn
powerlessness, fear, hopeless numb…I love you
the screams—I LOVE YOU!

Broken dove in palms of hands,
Pleading echoes do not exist.

Submitted on 2004-03-28 10:09:59 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I read the description after the fact. And after the first read of the poem, a nightmare WAS the feeling thrown in my face right away. A dark distant unknown screaming in my ear, a fear in my gut that will only leave when i realize that I am under the sheets, in my bed, in the safety of my home...yet for a brief moment, you still can hear the echos as you cursor your eyes around the room...
Nice ride..
-MyX
| Posted on 2004-04-10 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]
  i hate when people say this, but what they said...i don't think i could sum it up better than the poetic and eloquent replies you have already gotten...thanks for a powerfully chilling piece (thanks being sarcastic...HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SLEEP NOW!) great work
| Posted on 2004-04-05 00:00:00 | by FallenGrace | [ Reply to This ]
  I would not have missed the steer in the description.
Particle shots across my bows and angst evident evident.
Fractured and bug-eyed - the rendering of this supports your angst.
Write an essay.
Prose it.
And go through it all again.
K
| Posted on 2004-04-03 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
  this sounds like my night terrors. when everyone else sees sunsets and sunrises i can't scramble up the stairs fast enough, the scare is chasing me like the moon to sun. i don't know what you dreamt exactly, but the description is, suffice it to say, enough of an indication. fearfearfearfearfearfearfear...........i think it kills us all.

ghost.
| Posted on 2004-03-28 00:00:00 | by myghostsliketotravel | [ Reply to This ]
  a very original and interesting style, but it fits the topic perfectly in my opinion. a really good piece.
| Posted on 2004-03-28 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
  i'm not sad when my dreams don't come true, just glad that my nighmares don't. you're right, this is a shade scary especially 'broken dove"...
| Posted on 2004-03-28 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
  this is really cool, scary and awesome, i really like the last stanza (the part about the dove was awesome) the most, i also liked the stanza before that, this was really ummmm for lack of a better word this was really shivery i liked it alot, gave me goosebumps thanks for sharing
Crymson Pryncess
| Posted on 2004-04-27 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]

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9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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