Description: A nice Valentines Day piece that I use every year it seems. Usually I messed up and need to get out of it so....EDIT WHO CARES ABOUT VALENTINES DAY <CENSORED>it
"Second Time Around" -------------------------------------------
A familiar sound
as I turned around
to see who it could be.
No other than the girl
who once loved me.
I'd laugh to see you
by surprise,
as tears roll down
I wipe my eyes.
I'd grab you quick
and hold you tight,
and pull you close
with all my might.
I'd light some candles
and pour some wine.
Caressing your body
to the beat in time.
To hear you release
your screams of pleasure.
Is the one thing
I will always treasure.
And as we sleep
I would hold your hand.
Once again, I am your man....~L.t
saw your post on musclebounds page...you both definitely write different, but your poems arent so different...this poem doesnt seem to stand out at all, you attempted rhyme (tight,might; pleasure, treasure) but that didnt work too well, and then you opened with three lines together, then the two right after...not too structured. I think I havent read much of your other work...theres quite a lot, but I am looking forward to it...but Id go easy on musclebound, hes not in a good spot right now for his mind to be changed, I dont think...look at it from his eyes, maybe you'll see what I mean without me having to say it...
I like this poem, it's simple and easy to read which is cool. It does'nt seem like the same guy who wrote stalker but i guess maybe that's okay. Stalker seems alot darker but i guess there is a dark and a lighter side to love and wanting somebody. phases we go through, you know? Anyway keep it up. peace
I don't like it. Only because I read the other poem stalker. It was much better written. The flow the affection that comes off this piece is almost forced. If you know what I mean.
This poem goes through moments of conversational norms to moments of really touching emotion. I really love the idea of her sneaking up behind you, and that youd 'act' whilst wiping away tears. i think this perfectly shows what we do when were hurt by someone, we tend to act, but then she has hurt you and you still love her, although you touch on the physical attraction it all comes down to you holding her hand as you sleep...its so beautiful! sorry im gushing and getting all girlyy but i was really touched by the simplicity and perfectness of that gesture, making sure that you cant lose her again...never let go! really nice write ellisa
Submission Name: "Second Time Around"
