Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "Second Time Around"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 875
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 767



    Description:
       A nice Valentines Day piece that I use every year it seems. Usually I messed up and need to get out of it so....EDIT WHO CARES ABOUT VALENTINES DAY <CENSORED>it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"Second Time Around"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    A familiar sound
    as I turned around
    to see who it could be.
    No other than the girl
    who once loved me.
    I'd laugh to see you
    by surprise,
    as tears roll down
    I wipe my eyes.
    I'd grab you quick
    and hold you tight,
    and pull you close
    with all my might.
    I'd light some candles
    and pour some wine.
    Caressing your body
    to the beat in time.
    To hear you release
    your screams of pleasure.
    Is the one thing
    I will always treasure.
    And as we sleep
    I would hold your hand.
    Once again, I am your man....~L.t

    --L----A----M----E----M----A----N----S----T----E---R---M---S-----------------




    Submitted on 2005-02-03 15:46:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      saw your post on musclebounds page...you both definitely write different, but your poems arent so different...this poem doesnt seem to stand out at all, you attempted rhyme (tight,might; pleasure, treasure) but that didnt work too well, and then you opened with three lines together, then the two right after...not too structured. I think I havent read much of your other work...theres quite a lot, but I am looking forward to it...but Id go easy on musclebound, hes not in a good spot right now for his mind to be changed, I dont think...look at it from his eyes, maybe you'll see what I mean without me having to say it...

    TONY
    | Posted on 2005-04-11 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ]
      nice poem. difference from this one from mine is that you got back together I didn't. Well I liked it anyways.
    | Posted on 2005-04-11 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem, it's simple and easy to read which is cool. It does'nt seem like the same guy who wrote stalker but i guess maybe that's okay. Stalker seems alot darker but i guess there is a dark and a lighter side to love and wanting somebody. phases we go through, you know? Anyway keep it up. peace
    | Posted on 2005-02-04 00:00:00 | by spoken | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't like it. Only because I read the other poem stalker. It was much better written. The flow the affection that comes off this piece is almost forced. If you know what I mean.
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by mandy dupuis | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem goes through moments of conversational norms to moments of really touching emotion. I really love the idea of her sneaking up behind you, and that youd 'act' whilst wiping away tears. i think this perfectly shows what we do when were hurt by someone, we tend to act, but then she has hurt you and you still love her, although you touch on the physical attraction it all comes down to you holding her hand as you sleep...its so beautiful! sorry im gushing and getting all girlyy but i was really touched by the simplicity and perfectness of that gesture, making sure that you cant lose her again...never let go!
    really nice write
    ellisa
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    45276

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry