Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Diversitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jaycee
    ASL Info:    42/F/ Texas
    Elite Ratio:    4.89 - 2436/1172/155
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 434
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 607



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDiversitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am bedazzled
    by your narrow-minded ways;
    In awe
    that you weather life’s orgasmic array
    of ideas and emotions,
    yet smother the impulse to reach beyond
    you neatly stapler-tidied thoughts
    that bind you with such surety and self-confidence.
    I gape upon your arrogance
    unable to withstand the blinding force
    of your ignorance.
    Diversity is the gem
    without comparison,
    Illuminating the mind
    And coloring life with multi-layered hues,
    including those as brilliant in their dullness
    As you.




    Submitted on 2005-02-03 16:55:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      So what is the scoop with that word bedazzled?! Did you use it cs you're so (in the poem i'm talking about) high and mighty, that u ooze nobility, you are a shining star? I like how you have the two short lines 1,3 embracing the long and heavy line referring to the archetypal close-minded individual. "orgasmic array" is just phenomenal: that's some lively organisms you allude to!
    gem>illuminating, coloring, brilliant, hues, wow. That motif you wring dry for all it's worth. Nicely done. You have some talent. "I am bedazzled" lol:) Peace
    Raz
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by razmohin2 | [ Reply to This ]
      well I don't know what to say. I think you should stick with just writing sonkg/lyrics, but that's up to you.
    you need to not lay it so hard on some of us. some of us are too sensitive and become upset . when that happens we tend to be turned off.
    | Posted on 2005-03-20 00:00:00 | by hotrodruss | [ Reply to This ]
      Possibly you used "bedazzled" to tie in with the"blinding force" of the "gem" imagery at the end, but to me it doesn't fit -it IS satirical in tone of course, but those particular words don't sound "cutting " enough. I might choose "bewildered"-and for the same reasons replace "in awe" with "amazed" or similar. I felt that the use of both those words so close together contradicted your message.-you want to point out what is missing in his life , but you sound judgemental and smug in tone, and you lose the point when you yourself sound opinionated.

    It is sad, isn't it though, how so many get so caught up on the paper clips, the post-it notes, and agendas that they miss the whole point of this meeting called Life.
    I like your lyrics better, -but this does make the reader think about their own attitudes and those of people they know. and for that reason alone stands on its own.
    Another Song Sissa?
    Sally
    | Posted on 2005-02-16 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      narrow-minded people suck, plain and simple. this was great. the only thing that didn't really jibe for me was using the word "bedazzled," as that usually connotes, to me anyway, something positive. other than that, though, this is great. unfortunately, the people who need to read this and take it in probably won't. good write.
    | Posted on 2005-02-06 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good job. Especially for me, because i hate narrow minded people. it does lay it on the arrogant and close minded, and thats a great thing. Andas to dontsavemysouls comment about being prejudiced torwards close minded people... It's not prejudice if it has a basis, it's dislike
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by thor_s avatar | [ Reply to This ]
      not bad. i like that you totally thrashed the idea's of prejudiced people...but doesn't that show prejudice against the narrow minded. to assume that being open minded is a good thing, is to look at things from your own cultural aspects, and not to consider others. being closed minded keeps a lot of stupid people out of trouble. either or, the structure was well made, and i like that it had no rhyme pattern to be forced. not a bad write. short, to the point, and no side trips.
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by DontSaveMySoul | [ Reply to This ]
      It is a well-mannered sort of way of saying that someone had pooped in your handbag and that you found the fact tiresome.
    I like that not only do you sound pi55ed off but you manage to sound superior whilst being pi55ed off - which is a sort of 'arms folded across the bosom' stance that I can stand and watch forever.
    So lots of slack jawed gaping and hip pointing at the object of annoyance.
    You have managed to rustle up an enjoyable (for me) vignette of the righteously indignant squaring up to the indignantly righteous.
    No I wouldn't use bedazzled even though I think I know why you did rather 'dumbstruck' or something that makes us think more of a gaping mouth unable to form words properly.
    'your neatly...'? which I think does work by the way other than a single syllable last word: maybe 'thoughts'.
    But; definitely a harder stop after ignorance. This last bit is the punchline so I think it needs bigging up a bit more.
    But I know what you mean here.
    I think we all of us do...
    Hasta,
    K
    | Posted on 2005-02-25 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    45287

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Gravity written by kase
    Sad Tear written by refused2die
    Always Something written by Glen Bowman
    I Am All These Things, and Yet written by lukewarm
    Same Mistakes written by blankscreen
    Dive Into the Elbow written by lukewarm
    Ever written by Kaygrl
    Fuck What You Say (Ft. Cordell) written by LadyVoice
    I am More written by jackz
    highmark written by Daniel Barlow
    Chautaqua written by lukewarm
    untitled written by pratinus
    say love (in a given breath) written by Daniel Barlow
    Puzzle Pieces written by jackz
    blue circle written by Daniel Barlow
    The Nigerian Challenge written by kingsley
    The Cross written by refused2die
    Crashing Train written by refused2die
    The Fallen Fence written by Glen Bowman
    Sad Day written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Upon a December written by pratinus
    If More People Knew Who You Are... written by C. Starr
    Society: written by MyPeriodical
    A Song for Nigeria written by kingsley
    Hiding written by blankscreen
    Broken celibacy written by Outlaw
    my unequivocal state. written by Daniel Barlow
    With me forever written by slntfirflm
    a lil' summer written by expiring_touch
    Binary code written by pixie_007

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry