I am bedazzled
by your narrow-minded ways;
that you weather lifeís orgasmic array
of ideas and emotions,
yet smother the impulse to reach beyond
you neatly stapler-tidied thoughts
that bind you with such surety and self-confidence.
I gape upon your arrogance
unable to withstand the blinding force
of your ignorance.
Diversity is the gem
Illuminating the mind
And coloring life with multi-layered hues,
including those as brilliant in their dullness
So what is the scoop with that word bedazzled?! Did you use it cs you're so (in the poem i'm talking about) high and mighty, that u ooze nobility, you are a shining star? I like how you have the two short lines 1,3 embracing the long and heavy line referring to the archetypal close-minded individual. "orgasmic array" is just phenomenal: that's some lively organisms you allude to! gem>illuminating, coloring, brilliant, hues, wow. That motif you wring dry for all it's worth. Nicely done. You have some talent. "I am bedazzled" lol:) Peace Raz
well I don't know what to say. I think you should stick with just writing sonkg/lyrics, but that's up to you. you need to not lay it so hard on some of us. some of us are too sensitive and become upset . when that happens we tend to be turned off.
Possibly you used "bedazzled" to tie in with the"blinding force" of the "gem" imagery at the end, but to me it doesn't fit -it IS satirical in tone of course, but those particular words don't sound "cutting " enough. I might choose "bewildered"-and for the same reasons replace "in awe" with "amazed" or similar. I felt that the use of both those words so close together contradicted your message.-you want to point out what is missing in his life , but you sound judgemental and smug in tone, and you lose the point when you yourself sound opinionated.
It is sad, isn't it though, how so many get so caught up on the paper clips, the post-it notes, and agendas that they miss the whole point of this meeting called Life. I like your lyrics better, -but this does make the reader think about their own attitudes and those of people they know. and for that reason alone stands on its own. Another Song Sissa? Sally
narrow-minded people suck, plain and simple. this was great. the only thing that didn't really jibe for me was using the word "bedazzled," as that usually connotes, to me anyway, something positive. other than that, though, this is great. unfortunately, the people who need to read this and take it in probably won't. good write.
Very good job. Especially for me, because i hate narrow minded people. it does lay it on the arrogant and close minded, and thats a great thing. Andas to dontsavemysouls comment about being prejudiced torwards close minded people... It's not prejudice if it has a basis, it's dislike
not bad. i like that you totally thrashed the idea's of prejudiced people...but doesn't that show prejudice against the narrow minded. to assume that being open minded is a good thing, is to look at things from your own cultural aspects, and not to consider others. being closed minded keeps a lot of stupid people out of trouble. either or, the structure was well made, and i like that it had no rhyme pattern to be forced. not a bad write. short, to the point, and no side trips.
It is a well-mannered sort of way of saying that someone had pooped in your handbag and that you found the fact tiresome. I like that not only do you sound pi55ed off but you manage to sound superior whilst being pi55ed off - which is a sort of 'arms folded across the bosom' stance that I can stand and watch forever. So lots of slack jawed gaping and hip pointing at the object of annoyance. You have managed to rustle up an enjoyable (for me) vignette of the righteously indignant squaring up to the indignantly righteous. No I wouldn't use bedazzled even though I think I know why you did rather 'dumbstruck' or something that makes us think more of a gaping mouth unable to form words properly. 'your neatly...'? which I think does work by the way other than a single syllable last word: maybe 'thoughts'. But; definitely a harder stop after ignorance. This last bit is the punchline so I think it needs bigging up a bit more. But I know what you mean here. I think we all of us do... Hasta, K