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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Said Yesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blueorchids
    ASL Info:    30/F/California
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 1096/928/91
    Words: 472
    Class/Type: Prose/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1518
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2517



    Description:
       good song. knowing and not knowing. thoughts per usual, lovelies.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSaid Yesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sometimes I'm caught unawares by "More Than Words" playing in a department store, or a lover requesting it on the radio late at night when I'm on my way home. I love you when I hear the familiar guitar starts and stops.

    Something about the steady rhythm of the shaker and the vulnerable words reminds me of the way your palms were cold and clammy in the shell of my hands that winter day, years and years ago. We were waiting for something to begin and for a taxi on the corner of Pontenova and Elm when you took my hand suddenly.

    We ran to my favorite spot in a nearby park by the little lake that had frozen over, evergreen river reeds penetrating the ice.

    The sun painted the snow shoveled to the side of the garden path a bright white and I smile at the memory of your breath coming in slow, gardenhose shaped clouds. The air echoed with early morning quiet and I could see your pulse thump in the flush of your cheeks. Even now, the french blue of the windbreaker you wore makes me think of the scent of melting snow and your favorite cinnamon gum. Your throat was visibly working, trying to say what I already knew, your hands curling into themselves everytime I bit my lip and smiled at you encouragingly. I waited.

    Then the clouds moved in front of the sun and the wind started cycloning fast around our bodies, which were already shivering with chill, nerves and the uncertainty of repressed declarations. Strangers filtered in around us and when you opened your mouth, about to begin the rest of my life, I heard my name on someone else's lips. The moment had passed us by and I haven't forgiven you yet for pulling your hands hastily away ... for the playful way you escorted me to someone else's warm embrace as if you hadn't just been choking on love unsaid. Words you never said since.

    But I love you again when I hear the familiar harmonies and my lips move to mouth the words of the story of my almost life. And when the song is over, I put you away and pull up to the house where the husband who isn't you is sleeping, his hand out over the part of the bed I usually sleep on. He waits for me, even in dreams.

    That morning, I loved you, though you couldn't find the words to say what I already knew. And if you had
    asked me when spicy cinnamon, melting snow and my love for you filled my senses,

    I would have said yes.




    Submitted on 2005-02-03 17:30:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Gracie,
    I found this on Crash's faves and thought I'd take a look and I was struck by many things. One that "More Than Words" is the song that haunts. I think it's because its accoustical and raw, but it also haunts/taunts me. But the radio stations here that play decade mixes have been playing it a lot lately.

    Do you think music affects men the same way as it does women? I often wonder if it brings back moments of love to them as strongly as it does women. It's kind of reassuring to know that those long drives in the car with the music on, bring back these thoughts for other people. If not it would be too wierd to admit how often a song can bring back my ex, but yet I'm content in my marriage and love my husband, too.

    Lovely words and images of youth and regret. Iread the comment about the song being superfluous but it's evident they don't know the song, because that's part of the irony of life. Because guys want show and women still need the words. Three little words would have definitely changed my life, but those moments pass by and he said them when I'd found another. What is up with these guys???

    jan
    | Posted on 2008-10-16 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      I find it quite uplifting that someone your age (if that is your age) is on this site writing about anything but cutting themselves and how life owes them a new kitty cat. I also find your style not only a bit mature for the 18-24 age group, but this song you mention in this write... wasn't it barely recorded when you were about 2? Just kidding. I not only like the song, but with your descriptive guitar stops and starts.. you can make just about anyone sit on the park bench in the freezing cold and live this perfect picture you have painted. This may be the first time in over 3 years on this site that I actually commented on a prose.. I don't think there is an award for that... I will check out some more of your stuff very soon... wonderful writing!
    | Posted on 2007-09-18 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this would be a great eye-opener for any man who gets choked up on love. It makes you miss what he lost when he lost you. You perfectly reflect young love and lost love in a beautiful and eloquent way... I love that song by the way... it's the perfect love song and it fits your writing perfectly "You woldn't have to say I love you... cause I'd already know"... great job!

    -x- Candie
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by teenage_dirtbag | [ Reply to This ]
      huh. this is like, great. yep. i have to say though that i don't know the song. this is very romantic. i hate to think that i'm probably the guy that'll choke on love, i guess that's why this speaks to me. that everything will pass. things that could've been, you know. you're very eloquent about it, this read so smoothly for prose that i'm amazed. it's a very short short story but there's everything you could have possibly said encompassed in it. the senses, the way you have of wording things here. no fancy metaphors or weird, off-beat poetic devices, but a very emotional and intelligent story. i've gotta shut up before i make a fool of myself. such a favorite.
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't rememebr how i stumbled upon your page but i am definetly glad that i did. This is an incredible piece of work/prose. I can clearly picture the setting in my mind like the spot in the park or waiting for the taxi. I like how you said you could see this dudes pulse working in the flush of his cheeks. I've only heard one song called "More than words" and it was song by a couple of guys and thier acustic guitars. I always though it was eric clapton, but i don't know much about pop or folk or whatever you would call that brand of music. But i was completly sucked into this piece. I only recently tried my hand at writing little short stories or whatever you call these. But reading your's makes me see that ive still got a ways to go. Thanx for the motivation to keep practicing at this sport/art of writing. And i can't wait to read more.

    Spoken
    | Posted on 2005-04-08 00:00:00 | by spoken | [ Reply to This ]
      Which "More Than Words" song? Alias or Extreme? I wonder, because back when the Extreme song was big, I swear I always knew when that song was on the radio, I would tell my best friend, turn on the radio, our song is on, and it would be. And so, this story makes me a bit nostalgic for those days when I was so in tune with my best friend that I knew when he awoke, what he would wear, when he gave blood. I miss being just a silly teen. Anyway, that is what your story reminds me of. I am going to have to start giving some worthwhile feedback, or else I am going to be in trouble! I can fully relate to this story with almost lives of my own. I wouldn't change a thing, your words have created this aching in my heart.
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by redthewitch | [ Reply to This ]
      This was sooo beautiful Grace, -it really took meback, -different song,(The Platters, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes) different place, -so very many years ago , and yet once in a blue moon, (or perhaps less frequently) I think of him, and wonder how it would have gone-but impetuous me bought a one way ticket to destination 3,ooo miles away, and some how lost track of 24 years of time. When my husband and I split, I got all weepy one night and phoned his Mom, -she remebered me, and said I broke his heart, but he went to NZ and married someone, and is living happily ever after. Sighhhhhhh, some bones are left left buried I guess. (But I still look at on line phone books, to see if his name shows up-rarely, but sometimes when nostalgia and the ways of love and life overwhelm me. (like now, reading your prose here) My God, this is wonderful..
    Sally
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      What the heck is it about that song... The song is definitely NOT superfluous to the story...You just have to know the lyrics to it. I love the way you have the song recalling those memories for I find the same thing happens to me at times. If he could have gotten his tounge around the words, I'd have said yes too.
    But as "way leads to way" I wouldn't go back to change a single thing. Different loves fill different needs, and I think the younger love would not have been half as good as the reality i now have, no matter what the minds wanderings take me to for brief interludes.
    It's nice to know that it happens to others too.
    jan
    | Posted on 2005-02-11 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      The fourth paragraph is so dope. Such great descriptions I love, that paragraph from start to finish is perfect. I really like the rest of it too, I relate a little to well to it right now but nevermind that . I thought the "more than words" reference at the beggining was superflous to the rest of it. I think I would like it better with out it. I think it would be fun to start it at the second paragraph talking about something unrefrenced that way the reader has to figure out the natrure of what you are talking about. Which can be done with what you give following that anyway. Yap yap anyway I found this really phenom. A sad touching story of words not said and what could have been. Once again I love the whole fourth para g it was such a delicious descip.
    | Posted on 2005-02-10 00:00:00 | by leftof_red | [ Reply to This ]
      First, i love the song "More than Words", I love how you've used it as an anchor that sparks memories of
    this "almost" love. You descriptons are keen and it's intriguing enough to keep me moving through.
    I like too how you put together all the clues exclusive
    to the way he looked, smelled, cinnamon gum...
    excellent detail, my imagination is applauding.
    thanks for sharing, Blue,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-02-06 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahhh… How romantic…… I love your prose. This is beautiful. The only thing that stuck out was 'azure blue'. People always use 'azure blue', and it starts to feel like writing to the textbook when I see it, but then I'm super-picky about that kind of thing.

    I don't know what else to say. It's really lovely. Especially that last paragraph.

    Becky
    | Posted on 2005-02-04 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
      this is beautiful. i like the way there's little poetic flares in it, like the third paragraph and the image of the shell of her hand, the way that made me think of creamy white and the beach at the same time. I like that song too:)
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      damn, that was good! bittersweet, i'll say. i don't really have anything to crit about this one. it read so smooth and kept me entertained. the story of your "almost life," what a sweet sadness there is in this. never can you know what would've been "if" it had played out differently. sounds like it still reverberates in your memory and probably always will.. very well done, my dear.
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. that was incredible...it almost reminds me of when my mom tells me stories of past loves. people she wonders what would've happened if she said yes. i really felt apart of the story...almost like a movie. when the narrator is confiding in you like a best friend, or a diary. this post is beautiful in a melancholy tone. i loves it. like i said to you before, i enjoy reading your writing, and you never disappoint.

    -christina.
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by cre_dia | [ Reply to This ]
      my hearts beating a little faster than usual. I find it really very awesome when i find people on random, who write something that very much so speaks to me in a way that i understand almost completely, even though you didnt write it as such. This was very incredible indeed, your conviction was easy to see, but some phrases were very much forced. good thing they fit well anyways but maybe changing "i can see in my mind..." only because it tells the reader to much what to do and see. Also the part about the jacket and snow, a little force fed as opposed to the rest of the poem, but then again fit very well, and im not just saying that either. i suppose i havent heard this song, but who cant relate to that. Great way too of kind of tying it in, but the body (whether you wanted to or not) proved a great place to subsitute ones own reality of it... thats very hard to do well. I also think i saw your name on Amrita's lj... blueorchid, is that you? thanks again, ill be reading more also.
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by Josh | [ Reply to This ]
      First, I remember that song, it's nice and that gay with guitar was really cute.
    It happens to me too, being caught off guard by a song on the radio.
    The story is beautiful. I saw a movie in my head while reading it. I hate winter, I even hate reading about it but this winter in your story seemed so romantic and not so cold.
    "The air echoed with early morning quiet" i loved this words, and when you say "almost life".
    Adding that part about a husband waiting at home made a whole story sound bittersweet, sad and more mature in a way. Without a husband "waiting even in dreams", story simply wouldn't be complete.

    | Posted on 2005-03-02 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      how did i miss this..?

    i had mixed emotions reading this. i love it. but it was one of those "too close for comfort" situations.. the beginning reminded me of where i have been in the past few weeks or so... "of my almost life..." .. or something akin to that...

    your prose (and your poetry come to think of it) have this purity about them. there is something about your writing that always reminds me of words like honesty and innocence.

    i want to be able to give you more than that in way of a comment but the way that you wrote this just took me places that i have been avoiding and i should be thanking you for that... because i need to stop running away... and i know all of this is completely selfish.. and i'm sorry. but (and you always do this) i see so much of myself in this.. the difference being that i could never have written about it with this eloquence.
    | Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a very lovely piece of prose and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I don't believe I've read your stuff before. deadndreaming recommended you as one of the better writers on the site. and he was definitely right.
    | Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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