Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Strawberries in Bloomdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 660
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 524



    Description:
       I just re-edited this poem


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStrawberries in Bloomdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Strawberries bloom among your soul
    Scarlet flesh and sun touched seeds.
    A soul full of vines
    Behind watery eyes
    I can feel the pain
    Some deep down hurt
    Every plant needs dirt,
    If it wishes to take root.
    So, I admire
    Hair of strawberry
    Seeping out the top
    I tempt a taste
    Since some are sweet
    And others are not.
    Now, you got me
    Hanging on the vines
    But I figure even crushed fruit
    Can be turned into wine.




    Submitted on 2005-02-03 22:42:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      SWEET. deinfinatly a fave. loved the way you turned the description of fruit into something else. slight personification, i think.
    guess this is going on my fave list, which is good since its real short.
    loved the way you didnt drift off as well. made it something real.
    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by eowyn | [ Reply to This ]
      L-O-V-E-D the last line! how wonderful!! i'd like to think that too. i loved all the metaphors in this, so beautiful. and it really made me want to eat strawberries, what a craving huh. anyways this was great, excellent imagery! and i loved the vines thing too. ah it was all so great!
    -steph
    | Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]
      very well done here. i enjoyed the shortness of the stanzas and the simple statements. semper fidelis, ey cool soldier. well done. im so rarely around to read any more and i feel bad for missing out on some things. i liked this piece a lot, and cant wait to see more from you in the future. good write. -Q
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by TechnoticQ | [ Reply to This ]
      that last stanza is brilliant. optomism that's easy on the stomach, very rare.i love how only parts of it rhyme, that it dosen't sound forced.
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by shootingstar | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem hits very close to home not just because i have strawberry hair, but because i can relate alot to your words of truth, and your optimistic point of view on being patient with love and waiting for it to bloom. beautiful poem!
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought it was an original piece and I liked how you metaphorically used the "strawberry". I agree with the others that the ending was very positive and worked wonderfully!
    Love,Peace,Joy! tif ; )
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Just love the way you used the strawberry metaphor throughout. That's my kind of thing. Especially like how it tied into the strawberry hair, and the fact that "dirt" is required for the strawberries to grow. Really, all of the ways you worked that metaphor are good.

    As for the structure/wording, I think I would change "but the stem needs the dirt" to "but the plant needs dirt", because it's not only the stem that needs dirt, and because I don't like repeating too many "the"'s. :)

    Very nice poem.
    | Posted on 2005-02-11 00:00:00 | by Amelit | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the ideas, and how you used strawberries. It just adds an interesting touch! The BEST line, I thought, was
    "But I figure even crushed fruit
    Can be turned into wine."
    Amazing! Those lines are truly creative and a wonderful was to word that thought. Nice one.
    | Posted on 2005-02-04 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]
      I drew from it an immense sense of longing and even passion. I like what you're saying. I love the last two lines very much: "But I figure even crushed fruit Can be turned into wine."
    Oh. It's so beautiful. Sometimes the thing that ruins us is the thing that we belong to. I'm pretty sure that that was one thing you were trying to say. I loved this poem. Moving.
    | Posted on 2005-02-04 00:00:00 | by melancholymaid | [ Reply to This ]
      beautiful piece christopher! well done here. the vision was superb. the strawberry reference is quite original- its so rare to see a new way to look at old themes, its quite brilliant. i dont think ive ever seen a strawberry in bloom reference ever, in all the thousands of poems ive read. brilliant job.
    semper my belly button. hehe.
    -Q
    | Posted on 2005-02-04 00:00:00 | by TechnoticQ | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    45338

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Linger written by saartha
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    This written by Chelebel
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    untitled written by Chelebel
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry