Description: Well, this is just a really short thing that I wanted to put on here....Hope it makes sense.... It includes the reoccuring theme of the Prince and Princess that I use so very often....
One More Betrayal -------------------------------------------
The Prince betrayed the Princess yet again.
He filled her ears with beautiful, dreamy syllables,
Telling her how he cared.
She meant more than anything else to him.
She started to believe him, to feel safe.
He took the door out from under her.
She was stuck, once more......................
There was some merit to this brief story, but the use of "he" and "she" detracted from the poem. The term "took the door out from under her" was peculiar. Did you mean to say the cliché "pulled the rug out from under her"?
To avoid to many pronouns, the piece could resemble something like this to improve the read:
"The Prince betrayed the Princess yet again. Filling her ears with beautiful, dreamy syllables, of such great love and devotion. Her love meant more than anything else to him. She started to believe him, to feel safe. He pulled the rug out from under her. She was stuck, once more..."
Hmmm...Short and sweet... Betrayals happen often...Some are severe, like cheating on them or the like, and some are just seperations in order to "see other people"... Some "princes" will lift you up to the highest you think you can possibly go, and some will drag you down past the lowest possible pit... A very good writing... I hope that this prince didnt do this to you... Keep up the good work. .Caleb.
well i completely understand this because it seems that it has happened to me more than once. but um this was really short...more of a story type thing. i think that you should add more to it but leave it to because it is your piece and i dont know that much... -sweet
Well, it's quite intersting. The prince and princess theme can be used in so many different ways, and in this way, you chose to kill the happily ever after metaphor so many link with fairy tales. Good piece, i like your style.
i like this. i really like the idea of a prince, who is supposed to sweep the princess off her feet, being the one who in fact removes the support from under her. i have one suggestion: make the first 4 lines one sentence. just restructure the punctuation. it's all part of the same thought and should be together, not separated by periods. well done ;)