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    dots Submission Name: Run away for the betterdots

    Author: Exquisite_Death
    ASL Info:    16/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    4.93 - 142/133/28
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Misc/Depressed
    Total Views: 855
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 860

       I'm not really sure if this is a song, or a poem... Again, as with most of my recent poems this is about the relationship (or lack thereof) of me and my ex-gf.... Comments are greatly appreciated.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRun away for the betterdots

    What am I
    supposed to do?
    I want to die
    for hurting you.
    I am broken
    my fate has spoken.

    I'm sorry for
    disappointing you.
    I see the door
    but I won't go through.
    I want to go
    and leave this place.
    It's my fault I know
    I put those tears on your face.

    Looking back on my life
    so damn selfish.
    I caused so much strife
    I was just too jealous.
    I am empty
    Just forget about me.

    I'm sorry for
    hurting you.
    I see the door
    but I won't go through.
    I want to flee
    just run so far.
    Why cant you see
    If I leave, it will heal the scars.

    I am broken
    my fate has spoken.
    I am empty
    Just forget about me.

    Submitted on 2005-02-04 10:29:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      my friend i know the tune you play. no for real i mean it cuz i can tell from your poems that we have had almost the same tragedies in our lives. keep writing bro and to tell you the truth the only way i could stop being heartbroken was to stop talking to her all together. she didnt like that much but i feel much better every day since then. but that is just my story, and that is not advice. in conclusion i like the poem becuase i can relate so strongly. peace bro
    | Posted on 2005-02-04 00:00:00 | by snacky fish | [ Reply to This ]
      you seem to have changed your tune from being hateful to being resigned to an uncertain fate.that is in real contrast to some of your other writing.i think that it can be read as either a problem stemming from a relationship or even your relationship with satan.i hope that you will not become too distraught over your current situation and that you will get back to raising some hell.good luck and fare well.
    | Posted on 2005-02-04 00:00:00 | by sickly | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very personal poem, not a song, first there isn't a hook or any repeative lines.

    You ending is quite interesting,because in reality you really don't mean that. It was very kool, where you admit what went wrong was your fault,bravo

    Try not starting so many sentences with the word I, try some reverse writing and add some metaphors to make the reader see something different.

    I like the honesty in this poem and straightforwardness of it.

    Keep writing and I will keep reading
    | Posted on 2005-02-04 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]

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