Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Party of Twodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Kristina9178
    ASL Info:    32/F/Ft. Lauderdale,FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.56 - 773/719/73
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1530
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 932



    Description:
       fucking february. Ugh.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsParty of Twodots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Parade of Roses has begun again.

    By the dozens they march,
    long-legged and glorious.
    Heart-shaped balloon-tails float above
    frail petals & stuffed puppets,
    witless paper sentiments &
    sugar-soaked declarations of fidelity.

    Ephemeral centerpieces of Love
    adorn doorsteps and office desks
    to be unwrapped, marveled, devoured
    or to wilt away, hung
    upside-down, dried out and pressed
    between hopeful pages of tomorrow's history.

    Bundle after bunch, they promenade
    past wondering eyes on watchful faces,
    into the outspread arms of the admired.
    In my doorway, I tap my shoes of February's sludge.
    A deliveryman scurries down the footpath.
    I watch him pass and dream

    of the March of green ale and clovers.









    Submitted on 2005-02-04 18:17:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i agree completely. Valentines day can go bite my crank, I'd sooner have St. Patricks day anytime!

    I've been lucky enough to spend more than one St. Patricks day in Ireland, and even the irish tell me that no-one celebrates St. Patricks day like the yanks!

    I think everyone hates valentines day though, except for women who are in love and in a relationship, and the stores selling the gifts. It's worse if you live in Iceland...women there have up to 4 days a year where you are expected to buy gifts for them...its not reciprocated for the men either.

    Down with Valentines day!

    Loved this poem :o)
    | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
      Y'know, i thought that i had commented on this poem a long time ago, when you first posted it, but I scanned through the comments and it turns out that I never did, much to my surprise. So I guess I will do so now, even though it may probably matter very little to you now if you receive any comments on it. You've probably already received a load of technical critique on it, so all I won't try to do that. I was never very good at that anyway. All I have to offer are my thoughts after having read it again tonight. I felt like I was reading it again for the first time, if that makes any sense. It really was quite well written you know. Superbly-written, actually. In some way, it transported me back to that cold month, and I saw the bundles and bundles of roses, all wrapped up in their formal waxy green paper attire and adorned with those tiny little white flower whatchamalcallits, oh yeah, i think they're called "baby's breath" or something like that, being delivered all day long and the lbuzz of crowds as they wait to get a table at bustling restaurants who ramp up their prices just for that occasion. And I relived some of the bitterness I had for all the over-hyped commercialism and they way they make those who are single feel even more so during that time. Anyways, I just wanted to say that it was brilliant, what you wrote.
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by timberwolf720 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the use of language and the descriptions used. My style is more of a plain language but I liked this. It moves nicely through the mind when mentally recited. Nice job.
    | Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this vision of this love parade. Valentine's Day is so tacky. It's second only to Christmas in commercialism.

    Ephemeral centerpieces of Love
    adorn doorsteps and office desks—
    to be unwrapped, marveled, devoured
    or to wilt away, hung
    upside-down, dried out and pressed
    between hopeful pages of tomorrow’s history.

    You know, I never thought of how ephemeral all of that chotchky Valentine's Day crap is, but you're right. Why are symbols of undying love so transient? Blah, it makes me think of getting materialistic and demanding jewelry. This gives me this weird image of rose and balloon soldiers who die soon after going into battle.

    "I watch him pass and dream/of the March of green ale and clovers" is cute. It seems like we measure our time in holidays, but I hate all of the major ones except Halloween. It's just one commercial fest with the soul sucked out of it after another. Bah humbug.

    I love that picture. It;s hilarious.
    | Posted on 2005-02-16 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is terrific, I just revised one on the same theme, but this makes it look rather sad.This is prosey, yet so literate and oozing in imagery that it makes more impact than a rhyming ditty (like mine) would. The Parade of The Roses, is just such a great image,--I live in a very small town where that doesn't happen, but I do remember when i lived in cities, worked in schools, and from the first of February on, preparations were made for the parade. You follow through with this metaphor wonderfully. I love it.
    What I really liked best of all was the "Bah Humbug" stance taken throughout , right until the very end, then followed with
    "A deliveryman scurries down the footpath.
    I watch him pass and dream"
    -the word DREAM there is loaded-I can hear your thoughts trailing off thinking hopefully?-"For me"-(except he passed first-but nonetheless. I detect a pause- just a heart beat (perhaps he misread the address?)-and that's why the space there i am sure --just before almost gruffly spouting that your dream is of "green ale and clovers."

    Look at all your comments, -that's the beauty of this one,-it appeals to the romantics who mark off the days until the 14th, and to those who think the whole thing is crass and overdone. But then all it takes is that delivery man with a bouquet, or a cardboard heart shaped box full of sweets,a mushy gushy greeting card - to convert the latter to the former.
    Five thumbs up
    Silver
    | Posted on 2005-02-11 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      No , there are two reasons why women get roses,
    "I've done something wrong" and /or "I plan on doing something wrong" The truer meaning is "I am guilty,"
    so funny how capitalism has persuaded the guilty to respond? I sent a few cards this year, but to me, cards are the best way. The power of words as you speak them into an envelope and as they rise from the opening, just like these you've written. Nice job Kris,
    glad I came to read this one.

    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-02-11 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Nevermind Lostinbeers remarks. He's a true testiment to the evolution of ignorance. I've been watchful of his remarks and he always gives terrible remarks to good work and excellent remarks to terrible work. He doesn't know Shakespeare from the most recent Dutch porno.

    This is not the best piece that you've ever written, but it's much better than anything that Lostinfear has ever produced. I think that your February sadness has turned your tongue to bitter tastes.

    I like it.

    -Syl
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by Stalking Sylvia | [ Reply to This ]
      This is more prose than poetry, and it sucks. It's just as fake and 'made' as the valentine bull you describe. If that was your intention, good, otherwise you should seriously consider if you want to write poetry or kitsch.

    *photo of LIB looking stern*
    | Posted on 2005-02-08 00:00:00 | by Lostinbeer | [ Reply to This ]
      I got married on Valentines Day just to get rid of the stupid commercialism of that date. Now when I buy a flower or whatever, it's for my own reason.

    I never know what to say about your stuff. It's so beyond me. This one is in my wheelhouse of understanding, but I still feel tongue-tied trying to comment.

    All I can say is that the words flow together perfectly. There is a deep sadness to this piece, but it is almost lost to me because I'm having so much fun with it.

    Heart-shaped balloon-tails float above
    frail petals & stuffed puppets,
    witless paper sentiments &
    sugar-soaked declarations of fidelity

    sheesh. How can I not enjoy that? The images are great, but to me the alliteration and assonance capture my imagination more than the pictures they paint.

    So all the while I'm having fun then bam!

    I tap my shoes of February’s sludge

    Your narrator is left out of the parade. Not so fun anymore. What a wonderful way to drive that point home. I just love that line!

    You pulled it all together beautifully with that last line, as if we somehow judge ourselves against others on holidays and that next one won't make you feel inferior or left out. Funny what holidays can do.

    To make me smile, feel sadness, then appreciation for what I have all in one simple poem is a testament to your immense talent.

    PS - Thanks for not making us wait several months between submissions this time
    | Posted on 2005-02-05 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      A great Valentine poem. Your poetry is great. As a mere male with one foot firmly rooted in reality, I understand it. I love to undestand poetry. Yours takes a scene we are all familiar with, catches it with the lens of the poet and adds a veneer (perhaps an undercoat) of something else, maybe a lack of roses. Here I offer you a rose of my youth. I wrote it when I was 17. I hope it still has some perfume left for you.

    If you were chaste, I’d offer you
    a sprig of honesty.
    If you were pure, I’d pluck for you
    the lily of the valley.
    Instead I’ll send you roses
    waxen red with shame,
    and a garland of suggestiveness
    to set your cheeks aflame.


    Happy February, Hanuman.
    | Posted on 2005-02-05 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      ah, so we rail against crass sommercialism but the flood continues unabated...

    nice write - read mine [you'll know which one it is].
    | Posted on 2005-02-05 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      such an eloquent description of stupid cupid day at the office. The sludge on your shoes was an inspired counterpoint to the warm elegant feel of the long stemmed roses. I have to admit delivering flowers on st Val's day is a wonderful experience, though. Being the florist is the pits though. That saying every Rosse has its thorn is totally false...every Valentine's rose has a million.
    we'll party on shamrock day.
    jan
    | Posted on 2005-02-04 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      i wish i could send you a dozen roses and have them left on your doorstep. Valentine's day is a hard time for a lot of people. it just reminds some of us how lonely and alone we are. i am lucky this year in that i have the love of my life... i love the reference to the roses with long legs marching onward.

    i'll be your cyber valentine this year. here's a dozen roses just for you~

    ************
    | Posted on 2005-02-04 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Green ale and Shamrocks!
    SHAMROCKS!
    :P
         __
      _(    )_
    ( _  X  _ )
         I_I

    The "Parade of Roses" line, on its own there, is a very cold beginning to this piece, I like it.

    I was waiting for the Valtine's Damnation poems to come. I really don't see what's wrong with VD (heh) at all... I want to give a pressi and a card. I take every advantage of love I can, and it's great to have a day especially for love.

    But I still like the way you wrote this because I think I know why you wrote it. Are you gonna say that it's sweet and all, a day for love, but what you don't like is the commercialism, the way everything turns red and pink and hearts and flowers?
    *sighs* That's not going to change though. The gaudy bunting is here to stay.
    I try and look past that and just like to have a day where I can eat a sweet chocolate, read a sweet poem and smell sweet flowers, from a sweetheart, and just be happy :)
    | Posted on 2005-02-04 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      I seriously have a hate for Valentines day so this made my day, month really. I can't stand February and all the lovey dovey shi t going around. I have had bad experiences with V-day in the past so I've just decided to forfeit the whole holiday. I really enjoyed this write. At least I'm not the only one who this way when it comes to February. :)
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-02-04 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      What we need is a celebration that mixes Valentines and St. Patties. It would start like saint patties, with everyone getting drunk, but then all the bars would start selling valentines roses and cards that say things like "you look so beautiful, Carmelizamanderine, please be mine. What? No I'm fine, I've only had five beers, let's hook up." And then a bunch of limos would be waiting outside to take everyone to hotels for the night.

    Ahhh, what a night it would be for anybody that owns a bar, a flowershop, a limo service and a hotel nearby. And a great night for lonely people that like to get drunk and screw.

    See the power your writing has?
    | Posted on 2005-02-04 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      i hate valentines day ...so i can defently relate to this and i love how its written...and the last line that thought and hope of march coming...i swear i'm jealous if you can just write like this if the words flow out of you like this thats awesome...i mean we all have our own styles but your writing always has me in aww...you word usuage and phrasing are always perfect...it always comes off so elegant no matter what your subject...

    in my doorway,i tap my shoes of febuarys sludge

    awesome metaphor...well i'm done sounding like a suck up...lol...purps
    | Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      lol, call me old school, but I love Valentine's Day, hahaha. From the sounds of it, you don't seem to like it, however it's kinda funny that you put how you hate so much so... beautifully. It almost makes me wonder if deep down you love Valentine's Day, or hold a secret yearning to love it...

    The beginnings of the last two stanzas kind of make it seem that way... like you're almost hopeful, and then at the end of the stanzas, you give V-Day the ax :P

    Not trying to be poetically or personally critical, it's a great work, very satirical and a little bit dark, but kind of bubbly in the same way... it's kind of hard to explain :P Anyways, I like it because it makes me wonder... the mark of a good poem!

    Kenley
    | Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by Siven7 | [ Reply to This ]
      Another excellent poem. I especially like the line "between the hopeful pages of tomorrows history". Valentines day is one of those holidays that could really suck one year and be really great the next year. You could actually write a peom every year about this holiday and each year the poem can take on a different mood.
    | Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by Rob | [ Reply to This ]
      "of the March of green ale and clovers"
    Don't we all? Here in Chicago it also means a green river. From a more constructive view point I love this stanza.
    "witless paper sentiments &
    sugar-soaked declarations of fidelity."
    I especially like the choice of the word witless. I think depending on your current romantic state it can work either way. ie... so in love, that you are bereft of sense, or so jaded that we question the concept as well as the sincerety of the tradition. It's funny that we have to "sugar-coat" our pledges of fidelity... don't ya think? Anyway as always I look forward to your next write... harley
    | Posted on 2005-02-21 00:00:00 | by harley3k | [ Reply to This ]
      I remember something about not fucking around on eachother's pages anymore? Seems you have a short memory. Fortunately I am very understanding in nature. Also, what was it again regarding reciprocating? That's right, oh well, I'll just post the last thing that comes up in my mind, first.
    | Posted on 2005-02-21 00:00:00 | by Lostinbeer | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, I improved your piece, have a look, I put it full of emotion.

    The Swift Silken movements of the Feathers have begun again.

    In their little group they march,
    like long-legged gestapos.
    Big-headed with hormone butts wiggling below
    a frail mental frame and stuffed ego,
    wiping sh
    it paper sentiments from
    rather smelly self-declared Brilliance.

    Ephemeral centerpieces of Stupidity
    and yet another traffic accident.
    A random Capital for Emphasis
    on a deep Anal penetration.
    Swiftly ended by a dot, like this.
    That's how some write poetry.

    Dumb after dumber, they promenade
    past commenting ratios and emoticon faces,
    into the outspread arms of eachother.
    In my doorway, I tap my shoes of Elite’s sludge,
    another phoney piece I've left my mark on.
    I'll let it pass and dream instead

    Of a dead Poet hanging from every lamppost.
    | Posted on 2005-02-21 00:00:00 | by Lostinbeer | [ Reply to This ]
      holy crap that's freakin awesome! wow, um, wow, totally impressed, "witless paper sentiments", "February's sludge", seriously, i am totally impressed. i'd almost send you some valentine's candy.
    | Posted on 2005-02-21 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm reciprocating for your other account, girl_forgotten. I'd put it there, cept you settled for deletion.

    [ Edit ] [ Delete ] .: untitled :. | Website |
    LIB, could you tell me more about how to improve? Pm me...cuz I am seriously thinking you may me right in your analysis and i think you could teach me how to write.

    Hit me back in the pms or the forum.
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ] [ PM ]
    [ Edit ] [ Delete ] .: untitled :. | Website |
    you say you were reciprocating...though i never commented on you...so you can have them back.

    [ Edit ] [ Delete ] .: untitled :. | Website |
    Hey, I improved your piece, have a look, I put it full of emotion.

    The Swift Silken movements of the Feathers have begun again.

    In their little group they march,
    like long-legged gestapos.
    Big-headed with hormone butts wiggling below
    a frail mental frame and stuffed ego,
    wiping [censored] paper sentiments from
    rather smelly self-declared Brilliance.

    Ephemeral centerpieces of Stupidity
    and yet another traffic accident.
    A random Capital for Emphasis
    on a deep Anal penetration.
    Swiftly ended by a dot, like this.
    That's how some write poetry.

    Dumb after dumber, they promenade
    past commenting ratios and emoticon faces,
    into the outspread arms of eachother.
    In my doorway, I tap my shoes of Elite’s sludge,
    another phoney piece I've left my mark on.
    I'll let it pass and dream instead

    Of a dead Poet hanging from every lamppost.

    | Posted on 2005-02-21 | by Lostinbeer | [ Reply to This ] [ PM ]

    [ Edit ] [ Delete ] .: untitled :. | Website |
    I remember something about not [censored] around on eachother's pages anymore? Seems you have a short memory. Fortunately I am very understanding in nature. Also, what was it again regarding reciprocating? That's right, oh well, I'll just post the last thing that comes up in my mind, first.
    | Posted on 2005-02-21 | by Lostinbeer | [ Reply to This ] [ PM ]

    i love you
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ] [ PM ]

    love you too.
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by Lostinbeer | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm glad I fell upon your page. You seem to be a real good writter, the words you used and how you told the story was briliant. Good job here. I think I'll read your other two now. I like your writting style. An artist of words.
    | Posted on 2005-03-02 00:00:00 | by jermwerm | [ Reply to This ]
      again, very good. you have a unique style of writing that captivates people. well atleast it captivated me. i like this one and i know exactly how you feel so i can totally relate. it does kind of suck huh? lolz. well good job on this.
    | Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by PookiezBookie | [ Reply to This ]
      Here, Here! Green ale, black stout, keep the clovers for all I care.
    Days of whine and roses are just a commercial come on, don't let that get you down.
    Dave
    | Posted on 2005-03-04 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      was valentine's day depressing or what? I thought so too. I think most of winter is as well. sorry I have not read this before now. very good poem. well done. I've been trying to read and comment on more poems per deadndreaming's suggestions. you're on his list of recommendations. I can see why.
    | Posted on 2005-03-06 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      ...this isn't just a moan at the vacuity and avoidable excesses of a day in a year.
    From the outset this was for me a siren song of why not me.
    It's written by a wallflower: a tall flower sort of bent but not wilting (can't).
    Of course, it's interpretation and waiting at a station for a nod: 'yes you got that one alright; v incisive...'
    mate, this just struck me as a well organised note to self without the i word in it until you had marshalled your wits.
    *sends one stem of iris*
    whatever.
    | Posted on 2005-03-11 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    45437

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Records I written by Raphael
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Shi written by ShyOne
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Love written by saartha
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Relativity written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry