From the Glass to the Fang by Lightbringer

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Submission Name: From the Glass to the Fang dots

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Author:	Lightbringer
ASL Info:	25/M/under your couch
Elite Ratio:	4.63 - 188/210/36
Words:	136

Class/Type:	Poetry/Satire
Total Views:	351
Average Vote:	3.0000
Bytes:	960

Description:
I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this but I liked the way I felt after I was finished writing it. Maybe that's enough. You be the judge.

From the Glass to the Fang dots

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I feel
like
a grasshopper
in a jar,
running into walls
I can't see.
Nothing to do
but plot my escape.

There comes the little boy
with his firecrackers
and rubberbands of death.

I watched my friend
have his legs pulled off
one
by
one
by that
giant demon child.

Well,
I'm not
going down like that!!!

I hear
the grating
of metal on glass
as a giant hand
twists the lid off.

*SCREE*
one twist
*SCREE*
two twists
*SCREE*
three twists.

one...........

two...........

three.........

JUMP!!!!!!!!!!

Freedom at last!

Oh,
hello fluffy cat
Hey!!!!
What the.........

Submitted on 2005-02-04 21:21:42 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  ... i think this piece is brilliant. i have read it many times now and it gets better at each reading. you say that you don't know what you were thinking... often a piece of poetry that is just cobbled together reads exactly like what it is... and then there are times when good wordsmiths like you apparently have flashes of inspiration ... here then is such a moment! i take from it what i want to since you are willing to share it. Thank you.
| Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by Alter idem | [ Reply to This ]
  It's funny but your title remined me of something else. I pictured a cobra being milked into a glass and then I realized that would be from Fang to Glass. You've given the frying pan to fire idea a new twist, but you leave me wondering what the deeper level of your poem might be. Sure it's a literal description of the fate of a poor insect, but then the big "I" is there with "I feel like", so how about a clue as to who's pulling your legs off, or are you just pulling our legs.
| Posted on 2005-02-08 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
  thats not funny. Thats poor little thng just got out to get eatin. hope he died fast. I mean come on what a way to go, right after you get free, it sad. I'd be angry where ever I went after I died. I like how you wrote this. and in case you were wondering. I will post soon , just for you. kay.
Kacey
| Posted on 2005-02-05 00:00:00 | by Lachesis | [ Reply to This ]
  poor little guy. nicely done here writing from the grasshopper's pov. good work. nothing to nit that i can see.

[computer says i need more words]
| Posted on 2005-02-05 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
  Aww poor grasshopper, if it's not one thing it's another! Kinda like our lives huh? That's what I got from it. I don't think you were putting any deeper meaning into this poem, but that's still what it made me think about. It wuz funny though. The last seven words were great. I wuz that kid... torturing poor daddy long legs is what I did. Until one day I realized that I probly wouldn't appreciate my legs being pulled off, even if they were like thread! So I stopped. Yeah so, I enjoyed this. A fun read, nice change
| Posted on 2005-02-05 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]
  Interesting start for an idea but it seems a bit rough, like an unfinished first draft. It reads more like a story than a poem, which is to say the format with all the line breaks seems a bit superficial. If you wanted to run it as a poem maybe you throw something more in, like interesting uses of words or restructure it. If you wanted to run it as a story maybe you could add a few more details or ironies to make it more substantial.
| Posted on 2005-02-04 00:00:00 | by kanu | [ Reply to This ]
  Which is the worse death? We cannot outrun our fate. If we are meant to die, we will. That is what I got from your piece. I liked the way this was written, and I liked that you took another point of view. Very good.
| Posted on 2005-02-04 00:00:00 | by ebflannery | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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