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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: rememberingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: secretdream0
    ASL Info:    21/f/tx
    Elite Ratio:    3.38 - 48/46/22
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 839
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 970



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


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    dotsrememberingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    "there's other fish in the sea"
    how many times have i heard that?
    why can't they understand,
    i don't want anybody else for me?

    the way you smile
    lights up my world
    and my troubles disappear
    even it it's just for a little while

    the way you laugh
    fills my heart with joy
    knowing i can make you happy
    you are everything i have to have

    the way you look at me
    makes me feel so special
    and i'll never feel this way by another,
    that's how i know it's meant to be.

    the way you hold me tight,
    your arms embracing my soul,
    and your warmth encircling my heart.
    those moments together felt so right.

    so what went wrong?
    no more secret kisses.
    no more "i love you"'s.
    just heartache that was fortold on an old love song.




    Submitted on 2005-02-05 07:54:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      just heartache that was fortold on an old love song

    Love that line ...Theres a sweet innocence to this that i just adore ..and its very well written and easy to read....
    I absolultly hate that "more fish in the sea" [censored] too ...sometimes you catch the dolphin and the fish just dont seem to be as perfect
    Good Job
    Keep on Keeping on
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
      you've done well here. i really like your rhyme scheme, a-b-c-a, i like it alot. um, some editing stuff: line 8 "it" should be "if", the last line change "on" to "in". otherwise you've captured something all can relate to in a very effective way. keep writin!
    | Posted on 2005-02-05 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      i hate that, when every1 tells you to just get over it, it's not the end of the world. sure there's other ppl out there, but none of them seem as perfact as the one that got away. i really liked this poem it was great!
    | Posted on 2005-02-05 00:00:00 | by kc | [ Reply to This ]
      For being 16, you capture what most people go through at any age,bravo

    In your poem you can you are a quixotic lover, forgoing logic,because you never saw your lover less than favorable side,yet you still wanted to be in love so much, you love for him way two-sided,but with you being your own two-headed lover.

    This was very well written and heartfelt

    Keep writing and I will keep reading
    | Posted on 2005-02-05 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]


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