Behind my blue-gray eyes by Saphire Twiligh

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Submission Name: Behind my blue-gray eyes dots

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Author:	Saphire Twiligh
ASL Info:	17/f/denial
Elite Ratio:	4.75 - 213/187/34
Words:	100

Class/Type:	Poetry/Gothic
Total Views:	434
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	612

Description:
hope you all like this one i'm not sure how good it is. if u like it please tell me. and if you dont tell me.

Behind my blue-gray eyes dots

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I lay on my bed waiting,
Waiting for the sun to set,
Please take away the pain,
I wish that I was dead,

The bright sun shines upon my face,
They think that I am fine,
But they will never know,
What goes on behind my blue-grey eyes,

I dream of places far away,
Beond the relms of sight,
Where I'm allowed to be myself,
A city of eternal night,

I hear their screeming, clawing fight,
Their evil words of angry spite,
As my own blood drips off a knife,
Behind my blue-grey eyes,

Submitted on 2005-02-06 01:55:33 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  this is very good. i like it. it is 'beutiful', i like the way you write, your style, i wonder if i can say that with only reading only three of you poems. i will read the rest, your style appeals to me, i write like this, if you want to check out my work. you don't have to...

i thought that the last line in the first stanza was a bit "blunt" i don't like to come straight out and say that i want to die, i try to make it creative. the middle two stanzas were great. they were well put together and sounded great. though you did spell 'beyond' wrong. i think the last stanza could have been better, but that is just how i saw it. keep up the great work.
| Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by Podenco del infierno | [ Reply to This ]
  That was all-in-all...depressing. But that was the point. Good job on manipulating the reader's feelings. I liked the "city of eternal night" I was half expecting it to be light, but that would be so cliché I'd puke (we've all written something with that in it, haven't we?), but you changed it up. The title caught my eye because theres a song I like called Grey-Blue Eyes, so I figure I'd look at it. Glad I did.
| Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by Dipsomniac | [ Reply to This ]
  I love your style of writing this was an awesome poem and I love the way you express yourself through it. You create very good images with your words and each word is perfect. Broken DreamsX
| Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by Broken Dreams | [ Reply to This ]
  THis is great i hope that you dont really feel this way. Lol as dreamer says it made me want to send you a shrink lol Well anyways great write
RandiKae
| Posted on 2005-02-08 00:00:00 | by RandiKae | [ Reply to This ]
  umm bla umm that was very good made me think that i mite have to send u to a shrink though...now i feel like crying so i think i will go talk to u now...
| Posted on 2005-02-08 00:00:00 | by dreamer | [ Reply to This ]
  When you said minds work alike you were right. When you said you cna't put things into words as well as I can you were wrong. I really like this poem needless to say, hell I think it t'will be the first on mya favorits list.
| Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by Rail | [ Reply to This ]
  wicked, heh i think this is an instant fave. this is more my type of poetry and the images are just beautiful, the maddness and insanity is present and in front line, great job!
| Posted on 2005-02-06 00:00:00 | by Trystam | [ Reply to This ]
  I really liked this, and don't listen to Bitch on Wheels. I can totally relate to this, and the imagery is great. Keep writing, I think i might add this to my favorites.
-Katj
| Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by Katj | [ Reply to This ]
  First off good write. its descriptive and well expressed. Thanks for the comment on Dark thauoghts and thanks for making it a favorite.
sammute naru
| Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by sammute naru | [ Reply to This ]
  BitchOnWheels really lives up to her name. God that was harsh. I don't get why peopleeven read poetry labeled Gothic if that is their view. I mean eveyone has their own opinions but if you can read and you know what you like... dont go on about reading something that doesnt suit your fancy if you were to stupid or illiterate(think thats misspelled, maybe im the stupid one...) to read what type of potry it is before diving in. Im going to stop ranting now... sorry if my nonsense has bored you... i like your poem... especially the last stanza. Good write!
~LeAnna~
| Posted on 2005-02-26 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]

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