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    dots Submission Name: Do I make sense, I thought?dots

    Author: Silver20G
    ASL Info:    28/M/Wisconsin
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 158/109/25
    Words: 225
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1513
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1158


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDo I make sense, I thought?dots

    Tell me again why this is my place.
    Why mine is someone elseís when they have something at stake.
    They put themselves in this position so why do you tell me; make me give all I have to fill their needs.
    When will someone lend me a hand, in fact I donít want the help I just want to stand
    without chains holding me down keeping me dirty and unsound, taking what I donít have to offer making the pain compound.
    Damí it leave me be, I donít want this again.
    Must it always end up with me on this end?
    To make matters worse the woman I love must leave.
    With out her love this pain will never cease.
    She goes to give her all for the corps; whom is all knowing.
    Our hearts are supposed to be together I could have stopped her from going.
    Now what happens what is different for me, when my walls start cracking how do I fix my history.
    Sooner or later it will happen again.
    I will sacrifice my right to help a so-called friend.
    So my shell must be dense cold and constrict.
    For people make light their actions and bring me the consequence

    Submitted on 2005-02-06 09:39:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Kinda hard to read in the fashion it is presented but, after reading it a couple of times it makes sense to me. Although I have no answer or advice I will say it was well thought out and written.
    | Posted on 2005-02-08 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very confusing, but after reading through it a few times, it made perfect sense. I like to write like that sometimes, all clumped together. Sometimes it just isn't meant to be seperated. You get a different feel for the poem because the writer may have been in a specific mood at the time he/she wrote it. The format gives the poem more depth and meaning. The only bad thing I can say is your typo in the title. Keep up the good work! :)
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by omnipotent | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok first of all your Poem name is spelt wrong. Do I make sense, I thouht? Seriously I don't know what you meant by that. I thought, or what was that suppose to be. I agree with all the others. This poem shouldn't be set up like this. I felt like it was a blah and it was very hard understanding it like that. I also thought some parts didn't make sense. Also the punctuation, I thought was off.
    I think you need to look over this. And make it in a poem format. And look over your grammar and spelling. Other than that it was hard to read.
    Hope to see it later.. If you do it over. Please tell me. I would love to read this as a poem format. And nothing all crumbled together.

    | Posted on 2005-02-06 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
      The way this poem is presented makes it pretty hard to read. (especially when hungover. ) I like the anger and how you describe things but overall this is just too confusing for my poor little bleeding brain.
    | Posted on 2005-02-06 00:00:00 | by solararia | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very much from inside and how you are feeling and the writing shows that.
    I could hear this being said in a dramatic play where the actor spews out his vehmenent prose. Angry and very sound?
    | Posted on 2005-02-06 00:00:00 | by Jess | [ Reply to This ]

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