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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Secret Dreamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: secretdream0
    ASL Info:    21/f/tx
    Elite Ratio:    3.38 - 48/46/22
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 843
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 822



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSecret Dreamdots
    -------------------------------------------


    OUR SECRET
    CAN YOU KEEP IT?
    NOBODY NEEDS TO KNOW
    IT DOSENT NEED TO SHOW
    WE SECRETLY MEET,
    THE SOUND OF OUR HEARTS BEAT
    THE MAGIC IN THE AIR
    OUR SECRET, I SWEAR
    THE FEEL OF YOUR BODY CLOSE TO MINE
    CAN YOU SEE IT ON MY FACE? THIS GLOW? THIS SHINE?
    THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYE,
    THERE IS NO QUESTION WHY
    AS LONG AS IT DOSENT SHOW
    NOBODY WILL KNOW
    OUR SECRET CAN YOU KEEP IT?
    WE SECRETLY MEET THIS BODY HEAT
    YOUR LOOK...YOUR SMELL....
    MY BODY IS GOING THROUGH HELL
    THIS SILENT HUSH
    THERES NO RUSH
    THE FEEL OF YOUR TONGUE
    A SWEET MELODY SUNG
    I CAN NO LONGER HIDE
    THIS FEELING INSIDE
    LIKE NOTHING ELSE MATTERS
    A NOISE.....YOU VANISH.... MY DREAM... IT SHATTERS




    Submitted on 2005-02-06 14:11:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i loved this one, grea imagrey, great flow, this is just a beautiful poem, i have to agree the caps lock is annoying as hell though. and this line got me confused alittle "THE SOUND OF OUR HEATS BEAT" is heat sposta be heart?
    meh, grea poem though
    | Posted on 2005-02-06 00:00:00 | by Trystam | [ Reply to This ]
      im kinda surprised you havent gotten any feedback on this really. the only thing i really didnt like is the all CAPS. this is the way i kinda see it. this is talking about a secret love affair, so in using all CAPS its like its not really a secret. its like its being screamed to everyone around. just my opinion anyway.
    other than that i did like this. i think that it could use a little work here and there. everything kinda flowed well until the end. it just seemed like you got bored of writing it so you stopped. through the whole thing you talk about keeping this secret then BAM outta no where you say you cant. i think it would be a lot better had you led up to that part.
    | Posted on 2005-02-06 00:00:00 | by SilentWhisper | [ Reply to This ]


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