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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: What Did I Do ?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rainmaker
    ASL Info:    23 / M / Finland
    Elite Ratio:    4.84 - 45/50/19
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Misc/
    Total Views: 827
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 883



    Description:
       Just some stuff that came into my head in the middle of the night - If one does not want to get depressed i suggest one does not read more than this text...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat Did I Do ?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Oh Lord what have i done
    My only love is now gone
    I took her life away
    Like this passing day
    Laughter we did have
    And then madness came
    Blade did arise in my hand
    To be lowered to her breast
    Thrusted with my strength
    Soft skin easily gave away
    Only one drop of blood
    Came out that damned day

    Now years later it comes
    In my mind - so fresh, so real
    It was that bloody big deal
    What i made with Son of Satan
    And now i have to pay the prize
    Immortality - with guilty - not her!

    So i call upon my God
    To help this little man
    Hearing voices in my head
    Its nothing but a wicked dream
    That they all call a fantasy
    But i know way better
    That is hell, hell where i am doomed
    Forever! Forever! Save Me!




    Submitted on 2005-02-06 17:37:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      ok, it started out extremely intriguing but got me lost and confused after "And now i have to pay the price"
    now contrary to your beleif, i did not find it depressing , i thought of it more of a crying one.

    the details were good, about the skin and the knife and the blood, but the grammar could have been worked on alot more. many words were misspelled, some im not even sure what you were trying to say.

    on a higher note, it did have a good rhythym to it, which in my mind is what linked it all toghether.
    it was a pleasure to read and comment and i look forward to reading more.
    jelly
    | Posted on 2005-02-06 00:00:00 | by jellybean4 | [ Reply to This ]
      at first it reminded me of my miscarriage and all. it brought tears to my face. Tears i didn't know i had to cry. it was an awesomely structured poem and its easy to follow. It has a steadyflow! awesome job
    Hannah
    | Posted on 2005-02-06 00:00:00 | by Devils Angel | [ Reply to This ]


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