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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: kids at pond's edgedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nansofast
    Elite Ratio:    5.7 - 2351/2103/268
    Words: 199
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 2558
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1363



    Description:
       for you,
    love of my life

    the peace that love gives is so profound




    it's fantasy, so keep that in mind


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots kids at pond's edgedots
    -------------------------------------------


    at pond's edge cat-tails and pussy willows
    caress the wind, in steel-blue, sun-warmed sky
    your green eyes lavish love growing wild
    in delight as you drink verdant scenery.
    you pull stones from my soul
    like stars shone in wounded night
    skip them across in a side-slice hurl
    five, six, even seven arcs as we watch
    live art rippling in geometric waves
    washing the pond- soul clear until
    her surface is visceral and transparent.

    you dive through its mirror,
    swim deep into the source
    of profound, mysterious instincts
    inside the peace of heart and soul
    you rest, curled like an unborn child.
    womb man, she is
    my reason for completion
    woman, she is
    the depths of my intimacy
    my blessings abound
    you've appeared, and you're real.

    we are survivors, of cold dungeons
    in kingdoms of loneliness
    the taste, like joy, and release of pain
    sometimes, only tears
    have the power
    to diffuse life's emotional elixirs.

    the warmth above my brow
    marks your passage of escape
    sealed tight with tender lips
    you keep my soul from harm.













    Submitted on 2005-02-07 02:31:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      okay i absolutely fell for this piece myself...love it..

    you are so smooth like the glassy top of the lake before the skipping stone creates swells..

    the second stanza, the whole "womb man" thing...the mirror...reminds me much of sylvia plath's poem "Mirror"

    however where hers deals with a woman being disgusted at the images she sees..and turns to the lake to get what she wants...yours reflects peace, serenity, confidence in being oneself...and being strong with or without a partner...

    i am so glad i saw your comment on Blue Monk's piece, it made me come here and find this piece.
    | Posted on 2011-02-18 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      You have truly captured the soul of a writer. I don't think anything needs to be said. Your comment list is huge.

    Favorite part was: "we are survivors, of cold dungeons"
    | Posted on 2009-05-26 00:00:00 | by MidnightSun89 | [ Reply to This ]
      All I can say is:

    This is wonderful. Truly, truly wonderful.

    Well, maybe I can say a little more.

    I love the voice of this poem. The rhythm is inspired, the imagery is superb, and I love the use of the words "womb man" and "woman" in comparison.

    However, even though I love this piece, it's rather inaccessible to some because of its density. Maybe you should write another similarly-themed poem that is lighter and simpler. However, I would not change this poem in the slightest
    | Posted on 2008-12-30 00:00:00 | by WhatYouWill | [ Reply to This ]
      Um...its very pretty

    | Posted on 2008-12-20 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      Although this poem was read by many and received a lot of comments I don't know how many of them really understood the undertones of this piece. I don't know if you yourself truly comprehend it or even want to. I must admit though that this is a great poem and deserves its ribbon and all the praise. Good work!
    | Posted on 2008-11-21 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      Nan, you've made me cry. darn. i simply can't understand, or fathom the feeling of love anymore. being that you say this is fantasy, I don't believe you. because of the fact that, this is what lay in your heart. being that it was different from our reality, does not nessarily mean that its not the reality for your soul.

    Love is a wonderful wonderous thing. most of us, endure the bittersweet to achieve 1/10 of the pleasure and love, and pure soul that you have so wonderfully written down.

    Nan... or what ever your true name maybe...
    you have known love.. for what you wrote here is not of mere mortals....but of two stars that have crossed paths.
    | Posted on 2006-11-16 00:00:00 | by butterfly wings | [ Reply to This ]
      I know alot of people have commented on this art but I am going to have to add to it because it is well deserved. Your emotion, imagery and choice of words is really amazing and I wish I had that gift. Great Poem!

    Candale-Switch
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by Candale-Switch | [ Reply to This ]
      Dammit! Am I gonna just have to put all of your work in my favorites list? Bravo! And yet another outstanding piece full of imagery, scenery, emotion, and mystery.

    Take care,
    Mike
    | Posted on 2006-11-07 00:00:00 | by fryte | [ Reply to This ]
      Alright...I am in no way as experienced as you at writing poetry with this many metaphors, but I am curious at to how you came up with the title that you did. It seemed to me as I was reading it that there was a different setting. I definitely interpreted it differently...
    What I got out of this was man surrounded by family only to still feel empty. Then discovering the love of his life, the one that "completed his soul". For parents and family will not always be there, but your life partner will be.

    But obviously, this was a very well written poem. For my age though it was somewhat difficult to understand at first...but I like it.

    ~Strator
    | Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by Strator | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I was curious because I have never seen any poems with a ribbon attached. My first thought was, no fair, I want a ribbon. So of corse I had to take a peak.

    Well, I dont think I could say anything that hasnt been said about this and even if I could I dont know if my comment could equal the beauty of this piece, I lack the audacity to try.

    But I will say, the next time I am lonely or sad, I will come here and read this, pretending someone wrote it for me.
    | Posted on 2006-10-05 00:00:00 | by leftof_red | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, this is just........stunning. i can't think of another word to describe this, or a word that would do it justice.
    it's so beautiful and full of imagery, i could see the pond, i could see the stones skipping across it!
    i could only dream of coming up with a piece like this, it's truely gorgeous.
    my fav part ~

    'you dive through its mirror,
    swim deep into the source
    of profound, mysterious instincts
    inside the peace of heart and soul
    you rest, curled like an unborn child.
    womb man, she is
    my reason for completion
    woman, she is
    the depths of my intimacy
    my blessings abound
    you've appeared, and you're real.'

    absolutely breathtaking,
    whirl**
    | Posted on 2006-10-03 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really beautiful nan, I felt it to my soul.
    when I first started reading it I thought it was maybe written to your inner child. The way it was so innocent and nostalgic feeling, like you were playing with the child inside, who had for a moment escaped the confines of your mind. As i read on i really felt your utter devotion to and gratitude for her. Profound, mysterious instincts, that line really illustrates for me how she touched your passions.I thought the end was bittersweet, she's gone but still with you. This is matt from concerned care, I finally signed up. Anyway again this is great work.
    | Posted on 2006-09-22 00:00:00 | by devoted_dozer | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow oh wow!
    | Posted on 2006-05-31 00:00:00 | by D-Ink | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow i can see why this piece got a gold ribbon, the imagery and description was the best i have seen yet. and i couldn't help but falling in love with it. the part about being survivors of cold dungeons. it really rang out to me. You did a very well piece on this. Props on this one. talk to you soon. Amber
    | Posted on 2006-04-02 00:00:00 | by amber_in_wyomin | [ Reply to This ]
      I like how you entwined the sensuality of physical love and the sensitivity of spiritual love (if we can call it love).

    You poem can be read in 2 ways. Purely sensual or purely physical. But the ultimate read the most powerful if u just see the double meaning behind the words.

    I like the sense of intimacy it gives between the 2 lovers and between them and nature.

    It is a bit as if nature is part of them, as if they interiorized it and the peace felt by that pond.
    at a certain point we feel that the scenery is just an imaginary one and it only exists in the minds of the 2 lovers as a symbol of peace.

    Something to read over and over again, and to discover new dimensions. I don't think I can add anything more to what has been said before.
    But I could ramble on and on. I will keep it at that and enjoy another reading round.

    Viviane
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a beautifully written piece of literature. To be in love is trully great and to be let down by love is pure panic worthy hell. I have known both of these feelings and we all do eventually.
    Loveage,
    Mike
    | Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
      many people will probably not agree with me, but i did not fully like this poem. i do not particularly care fro free verse so that could be it. although i understood the words in your poem (like verdant, etc.), i do not think it would be wise to use them since people may not know what they mean.
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by buffaloman | [ Reply to This ]
      Love keeps us from harm... truly beautiful and right of you to say so emphatically.

    I've read this piece of yours several times I confess, but I've never gotten around to commenting on it until now. My apologies.

    What I find different about this is the richness in imagery you have here-- while your others have vitality, this one teems with a cornucopia-- an abundance of life, energy and divine grace.

    I think the title is perfect and lends an air of purity to this poem. I can see this like a moving photo, if you will-- a montage of silver echoes rebounding off nature in all its finest.

    Babbling here... but I thought I'd let you know this is a wonderful write. And I can see why it got a golden ribbon award.
    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-07-07 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      Nancy

    Nice work, it is refreshing for this old Aussie soldier to get wrapped up in your imagery.

    Your are the love in your poetry and it must exude from every pore.

    I will learn from you and your work. My novice status requires that I find someone who can help me shape my style and give me ideas.
    I see your work as being the perfect conduit for achieveing this endstate.

    Regards Ocker
    | Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by Ocker7290 | [ Reply to This ]
      wut can i say everything has been commented ... goo poem .. i really like it and the parts that i liked most is :
    womb man, she is
    my reason for completion
    woman, she is
    the depths of my intimacy
    my blessings abound
    you've appeared, and you're real.

    i love it
    good poem !
    please check my writings!
    | Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      Absolutely Brilliant!

    By going back into your pasts writes I see you have always been extremely talented in getting the point across out of your writes
    I really loved this one
    So Positive
    Great Job!
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Nan, I've read this poem 3 times and am awed anew with each reading. I dont think I've ever read a more beautiful love poem. It's absolutely flawless and I shall thank Cat for pointing me in its direction.

    we are survivors, of cold dungeons
    in kingdoms of loneliness
    the taste, like joy, and release of pain
    sometimes, only tears
    have the power
    to diffuse life's emotional elixirs.

    Absolutely brilliant.
    Carol
    | Posted on 2005-10-09 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Simply fabulous - great images, a tight write.

    Well desire of the Pullitzerlaskies Award it receive.

    Warning - I gotta up my stats, so may just cut & paste reviews from my open page, downside - it'll nix you're stats.

    I'm a write mode creature - all the commenting sucked me dry at my other place!

    Later
    | Posted on 2005-09-11 00:00:00 | by uncreaTED | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my God, what a beautiful poem of love! I cannot even find a favorite line among the beauty that you have written of your love.

    we are survivors, of cold dungeouns
    in kingdoms of lonleness...

    This is one of the most beautiful love poems I have ever read. You have a gift of expression so deep, so from the heart and soul. You slay me!
    +Jo
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by whisperslove | [ Reply to This ]
      This is truly a beautiful poem! So nicely worded and expressed with sincerity and warmth! I love the descriptive qualities that this poem has! Provides for wonderful imagery as I read this. Love certainly is powerful and such a grand feeling! It does indeed provide such an inner peace that nothing else compares to. This poem captures that feeling along with the genuineness of the life experience. Beautiful! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-09-06 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. This is so romantic. It's very intimate and gentle as well. No wonder it has an award! The visual aspects were great. I adored this part,
    "sometimes, only tears
    have the power
    to diffuse life's emotional elixirs."
    :) This is a great piece. You said that it was your fantasy but it seems so grand and you wrote it with such conviction that it seems so real. Great job. That's what poetry should do, make you believe it. :)
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-05-27 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      What can I possibly say that hasn't already been said in this vast ocean of glistening words? I loved this piece...pure and simple, yet it explains (in not so many words) the deep complexities of love and devotion and, my favorite, open adoration. Utterly beautiful.
    ~Rachel~
    | Posted on 2005-05-17 00:00:00 | by nebnim | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem has a subtle symmetry to it. As the stanza lengths gradually shorten the observations become more concise. This poem is sensuous and touching.

    Glad you shared it.
    later, kc
    | Posted on 2005-05-15 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
      I can see why this was rewarded.

    This, I believe, is the first poem I've read of yours. I love imagery and words, and your usage of both was sooooo appealing to me. I loved it. The message sank deep, so you know.

    This had this... feel to it... that I cannot explain. The kids... and the pond... seem to be symbolism (to me) of this peace and innocence. I can just gather from this that you are an amazing poet/writer. I will read more of yours soon.

    Jen
    | Posted on 2005-04-02 00:00:00 | by poetofthenight | [ Reply to This ]
      WOWOOWOWOWOWO. What a piece. I love the way you word things Nan. I especially likeed womb man and woman. Did it evolve this way?? "skip them in a side slice hurl" wow. The imagery created throughout this poem put me right in it. Thanks
    | Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      I wish you would write a few limericks or even a haiku or two that didn't take so much time to comment on. Actually it's not the comment that takes the time, it is the fascination with the poetry, and the re-reading,-discovering little nuances missed first time round,-and then reading again as the comment is being typed-and then daydreaming one's own personal musings.

    At any rate, I will keep this short and sweet. This is incredibly powerful and yet has the delicacy of a watercolor in the layers of meaning and scenic images. Though I liked the pond and the skipping stones , what i liked even more was that the first two stanzas take on a whole new depth when now seen as a recess, a new freedom for hearts once imprisoned. "we are survivors, of cold dungeons
    in kingdoms of loneliness"
    The format is fitting too, from lavish descriptions of the pond imagery, then the dungeon confinement which preceeded that glorious freedom, to the final poignant heartfelt avowal.
    Beautiful
    Redundantly Yours
    Sally
    | Posted on 2005-02-16 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      Heya!

    I've been meaning to comment here for a while now... I promised myself I would come and share my thoughts with you!
    I love my Magnificent momma Cat... she's the best and I'm so happy to see how... glorious she is right now... and reading such beautiful poetry... gods bless internet love, if it's all as beautiful as this

    I'm going to just... mention what came to mind reading this... I really liked the beginning, the set scene of green so peaceful, and the infatuation with the fantasy... pieces like this really make me feel like a dreamer. There's a sort of... splendid indulgence in just imagining what it would be like, at a pond's edge on a warm day, lazy and lovely. I think you've captured your readers and taken them with you to a place we all want to be. The whole piece really is very fantastic and a pleasure to read and be spirited away... this is my favourite type of poetry; Love
    Lea
    | Posted on 2005-02-12 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      *sigh* I wish I wish I wish

    ...for a love even half as bliss as this!

    Da,mn! You kids are making February even harder for me to get through! LOL...but the kitten keeps sending my cyber-roses, so everything is okay and I feel better every day.

    This piece is phenominal. No gripes. I love it.

    I'll place it neatly in my favorites, right next to another little treat...right where it belongs,

    Fantastic.

    Hugz,
    Kristina
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay, I read cuddle's comment, which was fabulous, and then said "I can read no more' cause I don't want to get spoiled and have nothing to say after all.

    The first stanza is beautifully picturesque. If I were to skim it carelessly, I'd call it abstract, but with an actual read, it obvious that it is an event, vividly and wonderfully described.

    "you pull stones from my soul
    like stars shone in wounded night"

    It's an idea that seems at once painful, like pulling out a splinter, and relieving/soothing like the absence of that nagging irritation. Even when it bleeds, it's a soft, smooth texture instead of a ragged hurt.

    "skip them across in a side-slice hurl
    five, six, even seven arcs as we watch
    live art rippling in geometric waves
    washing the pond- soul clear until
    her surface is visceral and transparent."

    It's as if she makes a game out of your troubles, let's play with them and see if they're really so important, and you watch the beauty together as you discover she's right. Those last two lines I also saw as being a synonym for her soul. She's warming up until she's completely clear - she has to take care of you before she can be herself.

    "you dive through it's mirror
    and swim deep into the source
    of profound, mysterious instincts
    inside the peace of heart and soul
    you rest, curled like an unborn child."

    I like the imagery of the source of instincts being in the water, that she is at peace with it and is at home. I also really like the tied image of the womb and instincts. It makes sense, that deep inside a woman is where a child learns its life. That seems so right to me.

    This is a beautiful write. I am so glad to have found it.

    ~ Niphredil
    | Posted on 2005-02-08 00:00:00 | by Niphredil | [ Reply to This ]
      *speechless* . . . .
    my most tender love, what can i even say? i woke up feeling blue today, and here you are with the most incredible salve imaginable... i want to savor this all day, so i'm going to print it out and carry it next to my heart today, extracting its beauty for a pleasure read when the day gets too hard... i want to say more, but i really am at a loss for words. this is so exquisite and breath-taking, nancycat. i am in awe... you are my star-kissed dream, you are.
    ~your Cat
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the visualness of the first stanza.

    at pond's edge cat-tails and pussy willows
    caress the wind, in steel-blue, sun-warmed sky
    your green eyes lavish love growing wild
    in delight as you drink verdant scenery.

    That's like a painting with words. I like your adjectives.

    you pull stones from my soul
    like stars shone in wounded night
    skip them across in a side-slice hurl
    five, six, even seven arcs as we watch

    That's really interesting. I like the idea of taking stones from your soul. It's like she's casting your troubles into the pond.

    live art rippling in geometric waves
    washing the pond- soul clear until
    her surface is visceral and transparent.

    I like "live art" and "pond-soul" a lot. Your soul and the pond-soul are both clear.

    I also find it interesting that a pond is womb-like. It reminds me of "The Lady in the Lake."

    you dive through it's mirror
    and swim deep into the source
    of profound, mysterious instincts
    inside the peace of heart and soul
    you rest, curled like an unborn child.
    womb man, she is

    I like the idea of her being curled up like a fetus. I must admit that I never though of "womb man," but it makes me feel dumb not to have. "you appeared, and you're real" is really nice. I like it when real life seems like a dream.

    we are survivors, of cold dungeons
    in kingdoms of loneliness
    the taste, like joy, and release of pain
    sometimes, only tears
    have the power
    to diffuse life's emotional elixirs

    Aw, the lonely dungeons hurt to read, but I suppose we've all been there. I admit that tears do have magical powers. This is such a sweet, hopeful write.
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
       thank you for submitting this, it was absolutely beautiful, as well as supurbly written. The impact and power of love is quite the amazing thing and somehow you were able to capture it so picturesquely with this poem. The flow was wonderful, i was able to lose my self in it and thats what i like. I'd be happy to make this a favorite, it's too good to only read once. Take care my friend and i hope to hear from you... Adios! Travis
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]
      What can I say? It's very powerful, strong in imagery, immaculate rhythmn and verses, elegant combination of words. Quite impressive!

    Anywaes, enuf of that, some of my thoughts on how to perfect perfection. I thought you could do something about the way the second stanza gradually became more and more erratic in rhythming, okay, not erratic, gradually shorter. That's perfectly okay, but if you could keep the verses the same beat and tempo, it would be best, since you are not trying for some effect.

    Besides that, you could try to link the pond to the ending of the poem? No connection, i feel. Not a very visible shortfall, but one nonetheless.
    Other than that, i love this piece! Great work.

    Sebby
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by Sebby | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, so late I am, it's all been done quite well now. S3, I felt the bite there, the sharp sting of the alcohol wiped on the raw edge, living like dead women, hiding behind masks, telling the nazis what they want to hear.
    Is that why the setting is so often tranquil and isolated? So happy to see what works out here. Sorry I'm pre occupied lately,
    take care for now,
    Dave
    | Posted on 2005-02-17 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]


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