Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: RAPTUREdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BenCollier
    Elite Ratio:    3.72 - 425/386/88
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 743
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 742



    Description:
       Another expression of the love I am experiancing anew. After 21 years in a loveless marriage, SHE has rekindled my ability to experiance passion.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRAPTUREdots
    -------------------------------------------


    As we begin the journey
    As we germinate our birth;
    As we follow our blissfulness
    As we succumb the otherís worth.

    Our life book begins
    Our liabilities are shared;
    Our past matters naught
    Our existence is paired.

    Joined are our dreams
    Joined hearts find love anew;
    Joined as one by coincidence
    Joined, we cast askew

    Dismiss old prejudices
    Disown past fears
    Renounce societal scorn
    Terminate wasted years

    Elation arise from bondage
    Euphoria displaces hopelessness;
    Jubilation we allow
    Intoxication in ourselves.

    Rapture, we are one!







    Submitted on 2005-02-07 08:47:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is a wonderful poem. I especially like the insight and advice and the theme of letting love overtake the fear and other negative emotions. the only thing I would suggest is to try to make it less repetitious and more concise: something like this: (I would eliminate the first verse)

    our life book begins:
    liabilities shared
    past matters naught
    our existence paired

    our dreams joined
    hearts finding love anew
    joined by coincidence
    we cast askew

    dismiss old prejudice
    disown past fear
    renounce the scorn
    of wasted years

    elation replacing bondage
    euphoria from hopelessness

    jubilation
    intoxication

    rapture
    we are one!

    just my view on it. it's your poem, so if you feel it should stay the way it is, that's fine.
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Thats so nice that you have found that ....Despite that fact that its a lovey poem ...and i usually dont find them that wonderful ...I really enjoyed reading this ..and i love old fashion feel to it ....
    Good job
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, to re-ignite passion after 21 years,bravo to both of you,especially after reading you were in a loveless marriage, that's remarkable and a miracle.

    I admire your devotion.

    Your poem does covered mst of the levels we go through in life and in love,but rarely does a love makes such a great comeback.

    Very good poem
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Your repitition is wonderful in the beginning, but the consistancy of the poem is deisrupted when you change the format. I would try to somehow change the last 2 stanzas to have the same repition as the 1st 3. Otherwise than that good writing and good flow, good emotion, too.
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by omnipotent | [ Reply to This ]
      It sounds as if you tried many things to try and rekindle this romance many many things. Maybe some worked for a little bit and others did not. But it shows devotion to try things beyond experinces that would normally be felt. So, love is a fire that merely a little lightning can inflame again, I wish you the best on your journey friend.

    Semper Fidelis,
    Christopher
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    45723

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    The World written by jjd
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Carry written by saartha
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    prison written by ShyOne
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Love written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry