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    dots Submission Name: RAPTUREdots

    Author: BenCollier
    Elite Ratio:    3.72 - 425/386/88
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 743
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 742

       Another expression of the love I am experiancing anew. After 21 years in a loveless marriage, SHE has rekindled my ability to experiance passion.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    As we begin the journey
    As we germinate our birth;
    As we follow our blissfulness
    As we succumb the otherís worth.

    Our life book begins
    Our liabilities are shared;
    Our past matters naught
    Our existence is paired.

    Joined are our dreams
    Joined hearts find love anew;
    Joined as one by coincidence
    Joined, we cast askew

    Dismiss old prejudices
    Disown past fears
    Renounce societal scorn
    Terminate wasted years

    Elation arise from bondage
    Euphoria displaces hopelessness;
    Jubilation we allow
    Intoxication in ourselves.

    Rapture, we are one!

    Submitted on 2005-02-07 08:47:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is a wonderful poem. I especially like the insight and advice and the theme of letting love overtake the fear and other negative emotions. the only thing I would suggest is to try to make it less repetitious and more concise: something like this: (I would eliminate the first verse)

    our life book begins:
    liabilities shared
    past matters naught
    our existence paired

    our dreams joined
    hearts finding love anew
    joined by coincidence
    we cast askew

    dismiss old prejudice
    disown past fear
    renounce the scorn
    of wasted years

    elation replacing bondage
    euphoria from hopelessness


    we are one!

    just my view on it. it's your poem, so if you feel it should stay the way it is, that's fine.
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Thats so nice that you have found that ....Despite that fact that its a lovey poem ...and i usually dont find them that wonderful ...I really enjoyed reading this ..and i love old fashion feel to it ....
    Good job
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, to re-ignite passion after 21 years,bravo to both of you,especially after reading you were in a loveless marriage, that's remarkable and a miracle.

    I admire your devotion.

    Your poem does covered mst of the levels we go through in life and in love,but rarely does a love makes such a great comeback.

    Very good poem
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Your repitition is wonderful in the beginning, but the consistancy of the poem is deisrupted when you change the format. I would try to somehow change the last 2 stanzas to have the same repition as the 1st 3. Otherwise than that good writing and good flow, good emotion, too.
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by omnipotent | [ Reply to This ]
      It sounds as if you tried many things to try and rekindle this romance many many things. Maybe some worked for a little bit and others did not. But it shows devotion to try things beyond experinces that would normally be felt. So, love is a fire that merely a little lightning can inflame again, I wish you the best on your journey friend.

    Semper Fidelis,
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]

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