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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "AN EMPTY CANVAS"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 782
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 612



    Description:
       This is a dedication to someone who played a huge part in making me who I am today. For that I Thank You...mike-L.t


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"AN EMPTY CANVAS"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Too deep.
    to ever outgrow.
    What you keep.
    Is all that you know.
    Burning like coal.
    It scars like kids.
    Inscribed on your soul.
    It's truly what is.
    Now you've grown.
    And now it's simple to see.
    All your actions that were shown.
    Were only to better the man that would soon be.
    Hanging on your every word.
    Everyting I listened to,
    Eventually I learned.
    I am a good man and Dad it's because of you. L.t

    --------I^I----------!------------I<-----------I=--------------------




    Submitted on 2005-02-07 17:51:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like this but the narrative con fused me

    i read it twice the top starts out as neutral the middle as the receiver the end as another

    its a great piece, i have been known to be wrong and refuse to take away from your scribes point
    but is it possible that either my dyslexia is not working and yours is
    in the narrative sense only
    please accept my apologies
    and explain if possible i could learn some thing
    by the way

    escape from Manhattan
    priceless
    if you come back hope its just for a book signing or visit

    paulie d
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by paulie d | [ Reply to This ]
      simple and effective, like all the best, it was NICE, but im really not sure if thats what you want to hear...my thoughts however are that you could perhaps have split the last line to :
    I am a good man
    and Dad it's because of you

    or something, and that its the kind of poem you get more from when you read it over again...which is not a bad thing at all, in fact its a great thing to be able to do. Theres that second level that the reader gets to when they have re-read the poem...good work A/B - sorry im a tough marker!
    ellisa
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]
      how sweet is this to thank your dad for making you who you are today. you should show this to him if you havent already. it would make a good fathers day present! you could put it on a plaque or something!
    very nice job lame!
    | Posted on 2005-02-08 00:00:00 | by SilentWhisper | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey I like how it s a tribute. I liked the thing it had, and the imagery was good too. One thing I'd make is a hook so I wont have to push through it.
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by wordslinger | [ Reply to This ]
      aww this is really sweet i like it, i think it was one of the best poems ever dedicated to a parent i just felt that it really came from deep inside not just something you did to impress him. My fav line was "Burning like coal.
    It scars like kids." i thought it was just ironic how kids being life can scar someone, i see where your coming from and i think its cool. loved it
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by ladydeathstrike | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is beyong anything I've ever felt in my life since I wasn't blessed to have a father to look back and thank for the gifts he gave me. Not that I'm old enough to be doing such a thing, it's just that it's nice to see that there are good fathers out there who impact their children in such a strong way.
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by Ghost Child | [ Reply to This ]


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    45791

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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