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    dots Submission Name: a wish made in vaindots

    Author: dreamer
    ASL Info:    15,F,y should i tell u
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 107/146/39
    Words: 189
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1097
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 614

       just a poem i woke up with at 4:30 in the morning

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa wish made in vaindots

    truth came nocking at your door,
    you gave no answer back.
    light threw it's self at your feet,
    but you let your life remain black.
    and sudenly you are lost again,
    because you refused to find the rode.
    and sudenly you are tosed again,
    to the ground by your heavy lode.
    and sometimes i wish that you would give up your fight;
    so you may take up the sword,
    but wishing never got us any thing,
    but with prayer i will gain my reward.

    Submitted on 2005-02-08 00:55:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like it it seems deep. But you do have severail spelling and gramatic errors. Besides that I think its pretty Good. Just try typeing it up on a word prossesing program and then coppy and paste.
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by Rail | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem reminded me of Tennyson or Poe. I think it's about the fact that people ignore the truth even when it's obvious because they don't have the energy or the inclination to fight it. Even if it isn't I think that reading's clearly there. I think the gothic, archaic language is too dominant in parts though, I prefer it when your own voice and images come through: 'suddenly you are tossed again,' 'light threw itself at your feet.' Ultimately, you're writing in the twenty-first so you need the language to be modern.

    | Posted on 2005-02-08 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]
      "and sometimes i wish that you would give up your fight;
    so you may take up the sword,"

    is the tense appropriate? are you trying to make "you"(in the poem) take the sword, and in the line before "give up your fight"

    interestingly confusing?!
    | Posted on 2005-02-08 00:00:00 | by electro_cutes | [ Reply to This ]
      i don't no wat to say realy it's kind of hard to grasp wat u meen. i think i get it a little bit. wen pplz are asking for help but they won't help themselves it frustrates me to.
    | Posted on 2005-02-08 00:00:00 | by Saphire Twiligh | [ Reply to This ]

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