Description: This one is new...different style then the last. Funny to look at the change your writing does over time.
This was written about my third date with a wonderful man that is quite the wonder to me...rainbows on the water are beautiful where he works and it was ALL truly blinding to my senses.
Anchor Down -------------------------------------------
Those rainbows
on the water
blinded me beautifully
with only you
clear in sight…
Your hand
at my waist
securing me
from what you thought
might be sea legs
but were just weak knees
having you so close…
Your smile and desire
to hold me in the haul
and I with my back
to the wall
eyes of fire smiling
back at you…
and the comment
falling contently
from your lips
grips me completely
“If only I could have you here all the time.”
whirls in my mind
like the eddies twirling
on the water
with bright rainbows
still blinding my view
of every thing around me
nothing beyond the water
except an ocean within you.
I only have one tiny little nit pick and its in your descrption.
I was written about my third date with a wonderful man that is quite the wonder to me
I think you wanted to put
It was written about my third date with a wonderful man that is quite the wonder to me.
I know even though its in your descrption you would want to know about it.
Your poem is beautiful the choice of words you have always used amazes me.I know the lad you speak about and this many years later for the two of you to still be together makes me very happy .There a feeling of content to be relaxed when you know your child is happy,being treated good and she is loved deeply.He is a good man to you and he is a wonderful father to your child.What Mother wouldn't be happy to read much a moving piece such as this right on hon I'm proud of both my tattoo kids
awe man love byt he ocean on a boat
every girsl dream :)
good write
seems alittle choppy ot me though
but probably ment to be that way
making it less choppy would make for easier reading flow
Hi Kelly with all this gorgeous water symbolism, (the lake, he's the ocean, the swirling eddys that could be mistaken for a swoon) I wouldn't mistake these visions of rainbows because you describe them so aptly. I can't help but think this one describes the love of your life, hehe, that's why I went back a little in your work. This is beautiful, your grace with words paired with lavish emotion is just gorgeous. Thanks for sharing, ladylove, peace and love, Nan
Man, I love this. This is right up my alley. I love these slice of life things. You've captured a brief moment in time and put it into words that can do what no photograph could ever do.
I especially like the sea-legs/weak in the knees thing...very clever...I like the subtle rhymes throughout...love the feeling of the piece as a whole..damn, this is turning into a gush...lemme find something to gripe about...um...ah...nevermind. Love it clay. And I'll even forgive the rainbows (what a jackass, what was up with that?)...great work again.
eyes of fire smiling back at you… and the comment falling contently from your lips grips me completely
These lines are vindicitve of why I come to this site mainly to read your posts. I dont know how you do it, but you continue to amaze me and move me forward every time I read one of your poems. This one leaves an empty pit in my stomach that can only be filled by the type of adoration found in the piece itself. Does that bliss between two people even still exist. If so, I want some!
Very well written piece about young love and the imagery is plainly seen . i congratulate you ona well written self expression and I enjoyed the read. Keep it up... !Doc~
homosexuality? Yeah right perhaps anarius is a thinking about homosexuality a bit much. ridiculous! Anyway wow you've been busy. Congrats on longing fullfilled.
For the most part I was annoyed by the break up You chose to use It's as if I were reading Any other coffee shope poem Perhaps held in the sweat palms Of the girl in front of me Her thought streaming Into her shoulders following the path of her pigtails. Okay didn't care to much for that syle none the less I do like some of the detail. the part about sea legs was nice; never understood the cliché of weak knees, but whatever. this like I love It's T-E-R-R-I-F-I-C-; ask charolete. clear in sight… The reason this simple line is amazing is that when read allowed it could be heard clear insight. i think both apply nicely to the context. I hope my coments read like political cartoons. Afterall i'm a jackass. peace and rainbows and closets and monkeys with computer software engorging them selves on olestra filled potatoes chip; poor zoo keeper.
nice job here with the boat / sea imagery. a nice piece about love blinding us. personally, i'd drop everything after the quote since it basically repeats what you've said, but that's just me. :-)
hey, I enjoyed this piece, the way you placed yourself into the words, like we were reading your mind at that time. I like the line "blinded me beautifully" it just flows so nice, and has kind of a spike to it...however, talking about bright rainbows twice, well it could be interpreted wrong...since gays have taken the rainbow as their official symbol, and the way your using it could hint at something (I wish I didn't have to make that comment, though, and they have no right to take that symbol, cause it was first the Christian symbol of Gods promise to never flood and wipe out the earth again...and now its homosexuality...it just bugs me) anyway, I did enjoy your piece...just be careful...
this is really beautiful and sensuous. i got lost in those eddies and bright rainbows. i like the way you talk about the ocean outside and around you and then at the end, the ocean lies within him. gorgeous.
Nice poem you have written. I like the rhythm, the idea and especially that you are working in a minimal frame ;0). Some times it is hard to get started and then it is nice to be inspired by others and see how they make things work. Nice ;0)
Submission Name: Anchor Down
