I don't think it needs to be longer. I like minimalism, but everyone already knows that. I agree with this in a sense, but in others I don't. I won't trouble you with that though. I enjoyed this. Never let anyone convince you into lengthening anything if you're satisfied. I don't get it when people criticize what case letters are and such. That's your choice. Unless it's a blatant grammatical error, it's up to the poet. Great punctuation isn't going to save a bad poem.
nope, no need to add to this piece at all. the poetic theme is simple in nature because it is uncomplicated truth, and is effectively presented in an uncomplicated manner. well done. i enjoyed every little bit in a big way.
You open the way to a lot of thought and interpretation in this piece...its quite short and could easily be developed into a longer and more profound piece with a little work: But in regards to basic poetic structure: may i suggest that you make the start of each line a capital...for some reason its easier on the eyes and makes more of a statement out of each line rather than just words put together...thats all from me...Dave